I really think that the "Bulletins" part of myspace is the best part of the whole system. Not only does it provide a random yet constant source of entertainment, but it also is a very good "gauge" for typifying a sender's personality. Not that I sit around and analyze everyone's personality, but - well, yeah, I guess I do. But I only do it because I love weird people. "Normal" people are boring and useful to society only as workers, such as receptionists, managers, and concrete pourers. I'm kidding, but am I? You may never know.
Anypoop, weird people, in my checkered mind, are people who fit into any category other than normal, which is a very large set of categories. Am I making sense? I hope not. They can be the highly intelligent people, the not-so-smart people, the schizoids, obsessive-compulsives, loners, divorced obese women, divorced dwarves - and on and on.
I guess the best definition of a "weird person" would be this:
weerd' per' sun: any person who, after you have communicated with them, makes you do one of the following: roll your eyes, sigh, laugh, cry, vomit, or question your own sanity.
Back to the bulletins. There are a few things I will say before I share one very special bulletin with you:
1. I read about 39% of the bulletins that I see on the main page;
2. I read almost every survey, whether it is someone I know or not. Yes, I know that some people write one every other hour. But I still love reading them. God help me.
3. There are bulletins that just make me shudder and question the intelligence of the average human being.
4. Above being said, if you send a bulletin that has a headline such as "I'm A Crunchy Dill - what kind of pickle are you?" or "The Underpants Game", I won't read it. That's final. I was sucked in one too many times to reading such garbage, and no longer.
5. Some bulletins just defy any explanation.
For your (choose one) amusement, horror, shock, amazement, or whatever, I present the following GEM that was in my bulletin box earlier this week.
Date: Dec 6, 2006 7:48 AM
Subject WHO THE F*CK WROTE THIS
Body: Body: *has serious problems and needs to fucking get shot. fuckers*
WHY DO THIS
GOD IS A FAG.
HIS DICK WAS LITTLE.
HE FUCKED MARTHA.
AND SUCKED JOSEPH OFF.
GOD CAN GO TO HELL.
I HATE GOD.
GOD IS DEAD.
FUCK GOD.
WHY?
MY NAME IS CHEVERE AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ME, THEN REPOST THIS WITHIN 2 MINUTES.
NOW LETS SEE WHO BELIEVES IN GOD.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
IF YOU DISAGREE WITH THIS, REPOST THIS AS
"WHO THE F*CK WROTE THIS"
STAND UP FOR WHAT'S RIGHT, AND IF YOU IGNORE THIS MESSAGE JUST REMEMBER, WHEN THE WORLD ENDS, WHO DO YOU WANNA SPEND THE REST OF YOUR AFTER-LIFE WITH? HAPPY WITH GOD OR BURNING IN HELL?
YOU
JESUS SAID:
"IF YOU DENY IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS, I WILL DENY YOU IN FRONT OF MY FATHER
I know what you're thinking - "Whoa - that's deep."
Whether your Christian or Communist, just read it a few times, analyze it, and then just forget you ever saw it. I will say one thing about it though - it covers so much material in so little words! Although what the meaning is, I don't think anyone will ever know.
Maybe it's a quotation from the show "Lost" or something that I didn' t catch. Or the Gospel of Judas, although I doubt that they used the word "fuck" back then. Update me if you know the answer.
Oh, I forgot about the "other made up words" that I promised in my subject. Try these out -
Ferjastinate.
Copantlessness.
Amniocensexiness
I just made them up.
Ok, now I'm going to do a survey. I always enjoy the ones that my friend Michael, the somewhat-relative-of-my-horrible-ex-boyfriend, fills out. I don't have the innate ability to find good surveys elsewhere, so I usually steal someone else's, and his are always good.
1. Height?
-5'11"
2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
- No
3. Do you own a gun?
- No, I don't pack heat.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments
I get nervous when they pull out the blood pressure cuff. I hate
having my blood pressure taken. Don't ask me why - it's just
a phobia of odd origins.
6. What do you think of hot dogs?
Funny story. I hate them. And as a kid, I was forced to eat one a couple times, and I gagged. I don't understand the whole hot dog thing.
7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
Sleigh Ride, by Leroy Anderson (without the lyrics)
8.What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Strong black coffee, or just my usual diet Coke.
9. Can you do push ups?
Yes. And pullups, but I haven't in a while, and I have a desire lately
to start working out again. Weird.
10. Is your bathroom clean?
It is being cleaned after I have finished this. It isn't filthy - just cluttered.
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
My watch. That's all I own for now.
12. Do you like painkillers?
No, they make me nauseous. I stick to Aleve.
13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
A "leg-snare trap for women" baited with Partylite candles. Seriously,
I don't have one.
14. Do you have ADD?
Yes I do. Severely. And I am on Ritalin for it, which is the wonder-drug
for anyone who doesn't like to clean.
16. Middle Name?
Douglas (don't even ask.)
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment,
- Tomorrow I shall have some money.
-I love my new slippers
- I hope that candle doesn't drip on the monitor.
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought?
Pop
Dinner last night at work
Gas
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
Diet Coke
Coffee
Iced Tea
22. Current worry?
- How am I going to afford all these bills?
23. Current hate?
-winter
24. Favorite place to be?
- the beach
26. Where would you like to go?
- now? Tahiti
27. Do you own slippers?
- Hah! Read above. That's too funny.
28. What shirt are you wearing?
a grey "ringer tee" under a plaid cotton button-up
29. Do you burn or tan?
Both. I try not to burn though.
30. Favorite color(s)?
Green, blue, shades of grey
31. Would you be a pirate?
No, because I'd be too shy.
33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I don't. I talk to the pets, because they all like to come and watch, nasty little perverts.
34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Skeletons and clowns.
35. What's in your pockets right now?
-My keys and an empty envelope.
36. Last thing that made you laugh?
This -
....
(hint - you have to click on the above link to read it.)
37. Best bed sheets as a child?
I had no special bed sheets.
38. Worst injury you've ever had?
fractured ribs from a car wreck in front of the Border Grill in Marquette.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
1, and one on the porch. With a broken toilet on top. Redneck-style-fuck yeah!
41. Who is your loudest friend?
Mark. But he's mad at me now......
42. Who is your most silent friend?
Carrie, because she never calls or writes :(
43. Does someone have a crush on you?
God I hope so.
44. Do you wish on shooting stars?
Always.
45. What is your favorite book?
The World Almanac. I used to read it as a kid. Really.
46. What is your favorite candy?
Divinity, or fudge.
47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
"Fancy" by Reba McEntyre. That would be AWESOME.
48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
I just want a "Sweatin' to the Oldies" tape playing in the
background. With a picture of Richard Simmons taped to the front of
my coffin. I think it would really make people think.
49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Recovering from work.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?
"I wonder how long that thing's been going off? Oh shit....."
Have a good whatever, kids!
WHY?
MY NAME IS CHEVERE AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
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