Not much to say on this - just watch it.....
By the way, that's not really John Howard, the Prime Minister of Australia. That would cost too much of Queen Elizabeth's money, production-wise.......
My favourite answer is when the guy is asked if he boycotts French products, and he gives the bullshit line "Actually not boycotting them, but not going out of our way to look for them." As if he used to run around Texas looking for Frenchy-stuff.
25 January 2007
24 January 2007
A serious blog about seriously serious and nonsensically unserious issues
Yeah, I haven't really written one in a while. I have had plenty of time but just have had things on my mind, and so much crazy shit going on, kind of like stones being flung during a good Iranian stoning (which wouldn't be good at all - ick - the image of that just makes me nauseated...)
Anyway, I can can officially say I have a disease - yay for disease!
First of all, I was sick for a couple days last week - gastrointestinal issues. I went to the doctor, who actually wasn't a doctor but a nurse practitioner, and I don't like her. But my doctor was too booked and I needed to get in because I was getting close to explosion. She just sort of blew it off as irritable bowel, and gave me some miralax (which isn't really what you think, but the name sure sounds like it) which I took the next day. I felt fine all evening, until a wave of just horrible pain overtook me so fast that I thought the miralax had been replaced with mirror shards.
Anyway, went to the Emergency Department (which I was hesitant about, during massive pain, just because I knew I would be examined by people I work with!) and had all the tests, got an iv and some drugs, and was put through a ct scan. That's quite an interesting piece of science-fictional machinery - and there's a lovely drink that you ingest first that is like a koolaid tonic - but you have to drink two giant cups of it and when your stomach is already about to burst.....ouch. Then just prior to being slowly missiled into this revolving tunnel of magnets, the technician injects you with the "contrast dye" which is the oddest sensation ever. You feel this coldness going in and then in an instant your whole body is hot, and your mouth feels like you just swallowed fire. But it only lasts an instant.
Anyway, it turned out that I had a very distended large intestine. But the doctor very bluntly stated that the pain was coming from the fact that I have polycystic kidneys and liver, and the pressure in my abdomen was pushing on them and causing these intense pains. So right there, I found out what I had been dreading for YEARS.
My mother has polycystic kidney disease, which is an autosomal dominant condition. This means that if you have a parent with the disease, you have a 50/50 chance of having it yourself. My older sister Patti had already been diagnosed - it's one of those diseases that is "discovered" whilst undergoing tests for something else usually, which is how my mother and my sister both found out, just like me. My mother's mother had it, as did her sister, and both of her kids also have it, as well as some of their kids (my cousins, but whether they are first, second, removed, etc., I just don't know.) It is basically a defective gene thing where the kidneys grow all these cysts on themselves, and it can also affect your liver, pancreas, spleen, and rarely the heart and brain. It varies among individuals, but basically it starts developing in your teen years and gets worse as you age, to the point where about half of people with it need some sort of dyalisis or kidney transplant by age 60. The symptoms include high blood pressure, blood in the urine (which I've never had - yuck), pain in the back and sides, and fatigue.
So I pretty much counted on being diagnosed at some point in my life, because I have had all of those symptoms (except the blood/urine combo) since I was in college. But I just held it in the back of my mind and didn't think about it except whenever I felt something odd going on, or went to the doctor, etc. My grandmother had a kidney removed in her 50s; she died of pneumonia years later. My great-aunt died in her 80s, and my mother has never had much problem, other than the symptoms.
I got to see the ct, due to the fact that I work at the hospital, which is an interesting piece of technology, except when it is finding diseases. It basically takes pictures of your body in slices, which you can view progressively on a computer, as if you are travelling up or down through the body. According to the doctor's notes, mine vary and the largest ones are about 4 cm, which seems absurdly large, but my kidneys aren't enlarged, which is a good thing, because they eventually do.
Aside from that bit of wondrous news: I had the worst day possible on sunday at work, due to the fact that everyone decided to crack their skulls or die or fall down stairs or crush their arms or burn their hand, all within about 2 hours' time. And I was still sore from the previous two days of being in gi distress. Then on monday while working I received orders for an admission, which turned out to be my dad, who was admitted for an abcess in his colostomy (he had major surgery 2 weeks ago.) So he's in the hospital but doing fine I guess.
But the main event of the last few days has just been the constant thoughts going through my head about all this new shit that I have to deal with - being scared every time I feel pain now, etc., that it's my kidneys exploding or something. I also need to make some changes, such as quitting smoking and eating better, and cutting out caffeine, which is unimagineable and probably won't happen entirely. But I am going to see the doctor next week and get something for the smoking - as long as I don't gain 200 lbs., I think I can do it.......
AND, it just makes me contemplate life more than I ever had before, and what I want to do with the remains of it. In all honesty nothing has changed - I probably have the same lifespan expectancy of any other normal person, and there's all sorts of treatments in the works for this disease (although not a cure.) But now I realise that I need to start doing something REAL with my life; something I WANT to do, which doesn't include working a shit office job in a field I don't particularly like working in, and living in a shit village in an area that I despise (sorry to those of you from the area - but I have my own reasons.) More than ever, I feel motivated not only to enjoy life more, but to get the hell out of here, away from my loving but overbearing family, and do something completely different, because so far I haven't really found a niche. I like working in the non-profit industry, and my present job has some great benefits over and above the benefit of horrible stress. And I would continue doing it - as long as it were somewhere ELSE. I don't care how far I have to go, but I need a change of scenery and I need to live somewhere with people that are more open minded and have more on their minds than guns and hunting and Packers and LTD catalogs and snow-shovelling, all of which I despise.
So Bush had his State of the Union Address. Where the hell was I? I didn't know about it, which doesn't matter anyway. Because I wouldn't have watched it anyway, although I'm sure the Daily Show will have some good clips.
Mummified baby found wrapped in 1957 newspapers.
So if you want to be mummified at death, should you start keeping all your papers? A very odd story...
'Happy' years with abducted boy
I still don't get it. Did this pizza guy kidnap these two kids just so he had people to play video games with? It's certainly the most intriguing kidnapping story I've heard of. Except maybe Patricia Hearst - although her abduction I would call "campy" considering the fact that she later appeared in John Water's movies.
'Smoking gun' report to say global warming here
Apparently in February there's going to be a report released that proves global warming is going to lead to devastation. All I can say is it's certainly been good to us this winter! Yay for global warming! Or at least, yay for U.P. warming!!!
Which might explain this...
Northeast Stunned By Freak January Snowfall
The picture in the article just kills me.
And to end, I still love this fucking commercial and I don't know why, except for the fact that Kate Winslet is my only female crush......
I think I should get an American Express Card just for the extra advertising. Pleeeeasse?
Anyway, I can can officially say I have a disease - yay for disease!
First of all, I was sick for a couple days last week - gastrointestinal issues. I went to the doctor, who actually wasn't a doctor but a nurse practitioner, and I don't like her. But my doctor was too booked and I needed to get in because I was getting close to explosion. She just sort of blew it off as irritable bowel, and gave me some miralax (which isn't really what you think, but the name sure sounds like it) which I took the next day. I felt fine all evening, until a wave of just horrible pain overtook me so fast that I thought the miralax had been replaced with mirror shards.
Anyway, went to the Emergency Department (which I was hesitant about, during massive pain, just because I knew I would be examined by people I work with!) and had all the tests, got an iv and some drugs, and was put through a ct scan. That's quite an interesting piece of science-fictional machinery - and there's a lovely drink that you ingest first that is like a koolaid tonic - but you have to drink two giant cups of it and when your stomach is already about to burst.....ouch. Then just prior to being slowly missiled into this revolving tunnel of magnets, the technician injects you with the "contrast dye" which is the oddest sensation ever. You feel this coldness going in and then in an instant your whole body is hot, and your mouth feels like you just swallowed fire. But it only lasts an instant.
Anyway, it turned out that I had a very distended large intestine. But the doctor very bluntly stated that the pain was coming from the fact that I have polycystic kidneys and liver, and the pressure in my abdomen was pushing on them and causing these intense pains. So right there, I found out what I had been dreading for YEARS.
My mother has polycystic kidney disease, which is an autosomal dominant condition. This means that if you have a parent with the disease, you have a 50/50 chance of having it yourself. My older sister Patti had already been diagnosed - it's one of those diseases that is "discovered" whilst undergoing tests for something else usually, which is how my mother and my sister both found out, just like me. My mother's mother had it, as did her sister, and both of her kids also have it, as well as some of their kids (my cousins, but whether they are first, second, removed, etc., I just don't know.) It is basically a defective gene thing where the kidneys grow all these cysts on themselves, and it can also affect your liver, pancreas, spleen, and rarely the heart and brain. It varies among individuals, but basically it starts developing in your teen years and gets worse as you age, to the point where about half of people with it need some sort of dyalisis or kidney transplant by age 60. The symptoms include high blood pressure, blood in the urine (which I've never had - yuck), pain in the back and sides, and fatigue.
So I pretty much counted on being diagnosed at some point in my life, because I have had all of those symptoms (except the blood/urine combo) since I was in college. But I just held it in the back of my mind and didn't think about it except whenever I felt something odd going on, or went to the doctor, etc. My grandmother had a kidney removed in her 50s; she died of pneumonia years later. My great-aunt died in her 80s, and my mother has never had much problem, other than the symptoms.
I got to see the ct, due to the fact that I work at the hospital, which is an interesting piece of technology, except when it is finding diseases. It basically takes pictures of your body in slices, which you can view progressively on a computer, as if you are travelling up or down through the body. According to the doctor's notes, mine vary and the largest ones are about 4 cm, which seems absurdly large, but my kidneys aren't enlarged, which is a good thing, because they eventually do.
Aside from that bit of wondrous news: I had the worst day possible on sunday at work, due to the fact that everyone decided to crack their skulls or die or fall down stairs or crush their arms or burn their hand, all within about 2 hours' time. And I was still sore from the previous two days of being in gi distress. Then on monday while working I received orders for an admission, which turned out to be my dad, who was admitted for an abcess in his colostomy (he had major surgery 2 weeks ago.) So he's in the hospital but doing fine I guess.
But the main event of the last few days has just been the constant thoughts going through my head about all this new shit that I have to deal with - being scared every time I feel pain now, etc., that it's my kidneys exploding or something. I also need to make some changes, such as quitting smoking and eating better, and cutting out caffeine, which is unimagineable and probably won't happen entirely. But I am going to see the doctor next week and get something for the smoking - as long as I don't gain 200 lbs., I think I can do it.......
AND, it just makes me contemplate life more than I ever had before, and what I want to do with the remains of it. In all honesty nothing has changed - I probably have the same lifespan expectancy of any other normal person, and there's all sorts of treatments in the works for this disease (although not a cure.) But now I realise that I need to start doing something REAL with my life; something I WANT to do, which doesn't include working a shit office job in a field I don't particularly like working in, and living in a shit village in an area that I despise (sorry to those of you from the area - but I have my own reasons.) More than ever, I feel motivated not only to enjoy life more, but to get the hell out of here, away from my loving but overbearing family, and do something completely different, because so far I haven't really found a niche. I like working in the non-profit industry, and my present job has some great benefits over and above the benefit of horrible stress. And I would continue doing it - as long as it were somewhere ELSE. I don't care how far I have to go, but I need a change of scenery and I need to live somewhere with people that are more open minded and have more on their minds than guns and hunting and Packers and LTD catalogs and snow-shovelling, all of which I despise.
So Bush had his State of the Union Address. Where the hell was I? I didn't know about it, which doesn't matter anyway. Because I wouldn't have watched it anyway, although I'm sure the Daily Show will have some good clips.
Mummified baby found wrapped in 1957 newspapers.
So if you want to be mummified at death, should you start keeping all your papers? A very odd story...
'Happy' years with abducted boy
I still don't get it. Did this pizza guy kidnap these two kids just so he had people to play video games with? It's certainly the most intriguing kidnapping story I've heard of. Except maybe Patricia Hearst - although her abduction I would call "campy" considering the fact that she later appeared in John Water's movies.
'Smoking gun' report to say global warming here
Apparently in February there's going to be a report released that proves global warming is going to lead to devastation. All I can say is it's certainly been good to us this winter! Yay for global warming! Or at least, yay for U.P. warming!!!
Which might explain this...
Northeast Stunned By Freak January Snowfall
The picture in the article just kills me.
And to end, I still love this fucking commercial and I don't know why, except for the fact that Kate Winslet is my only female crush......
I think I should get an American Express Card just for the extra advertising. Pleeeeasse?
09 January 2007
Crankiness
I have the day off on tuesday, after working five days in a row. I guess most people would look at that statement and say "so the f what?" but I REALLY need a day off. Working in the Emergency Department can go from a breeze to complete and utter havoc in 2 seconds. Yesterday I was breathing a sigh of relief after a long wave of registering patient after patient. Then somebody came in. Then another. In 5 minutes I watched 8 people walk in the front door to be treated. That might not mean much to most people. But you must consider the fact that it takes about 10 minutes to get a person registered, after which it is probably safe to say the average treatment time would be at least an hour. So in 8 minutes I was given 80 minutes of work, which didn't include the fact that more people walked in after that short period. It just went on and on, without stop. And then there are the admissions, the babies born, the pregnant women and girls who come in for tests, the various vials of urine that I have to register and send for tests, and other odd jobs. Nothing happens on any certain schedule of regularity - it just gets thrown at you in big globs - like a shit-throwing monkey. What a poor analogy.
So anyway, this was my first five-day stretch. I usually work three days on, then one off, then four on, two off, etc. I feel like I was trampled in a riotous Spanish soccer tournament. Maybe I'm just a big pussy, but that's fine with me. Wah, wah, wah. There's a reason that most of the nurses down there work 12 hour shifts - then they only work 3 days a week. Same with the doctors. So this five-day thing isn't for the birds.
I think the most irritating thing about my job is dealing with the hoardes of people who come in for treatment who do NOT need to be treated. At least, they don't have to be treated in an Emergeny Room. Sniffles, cold sores, and rashes can be dealt with by using Sudafed, caution, and hydrocortisone. But if you go to the ED to deal with them, you accrue a bill of at least $200.00. That's just insane. And the big wammer of all is the fact that a lot of these people don't pay! We live in a country where there is no universal health coverage, so people without insurance go to Emergency whenever they get damaged, diseased, or want Vicodin. Then the bill comes, and it equals four weeks worth of work, and it doesn't get paid. So there's no wonder why it costs so much for health insurance here, and for services rendered - because you are paying for yourself and all the people that didn't pay! In fact, most people WITH health insurance don't get free care in an Emergency room situation - they must first prove that the treatment was necessary and an 'emergency', and then they usually still have to pay at least a percentage of the bill. And do you think they pay it? Some maybe do.
That may sound like an argument in favor of the conservatives, but it's not. It's an argument for the fact that we should just square up to the fact that we're the only country without universal healthcare in the free, developed world, and we should just revolutionize and do the deed.
Anyway, that was my little political fanfare for the day. I'm tired and crabby and my day off has started, and I plan to spend at least 8 hours of it sleeping. But in the meantime, here's another long political rant - in the form of a movie. It's full length, but you might want to check out at least some of it before you go buy your next pair of 2 dollar slippers.
So anyway, this was my first five-day stretch. I usually work three days on, then one off, then four on, two off, etc. I feel like I was trampled in a riotous Spanish soccer tournament. Maybe I'm just a big pussy, but that's fine with me. Wah, wah, wah. There's a reason that most of the nurses down there work 12 hour shifts - then they only work 3 days a week. Same with the doctors. So this five-day thing isn't for the birds.
I think the most irritating thing about my job is dealing with the hoardes of people who come in for treatment who do NOT need to be treated. At least, they don't have to be treated in an Emergeny Room. Sniffles, cold sores, and rashes can be dealt with by using Sudafed, caution, and hydrocortisone. But if you go to the ED to deal with them, you accrue a bill of at least $200.00. That's just insane. And the big wammer of all is the fact that a lot of these people don't pay! We live in a country where there is no universal health coverage, so people without insurance go to Emergency whenever they get damaged, diseased, or want Vicodin. Then the bill comes, and it equals four weeks worth of work, and it doesn't get paid. So there's no wonder why it costs so much for health insurance here, and for services rendered - because you are paying for yourself and all the people that didn't pay! In fact, most people WITH health insurance don't get free care in an Emergency room situation - they must first prove that the treatment was necessary and an 'emergency', and then they usually still have to pay at least a percentage of the bill. And do you think they pay it? Some maybe do.
That may sound like an argument in favor of the conservatives, but it's not. It's an argument for the fact that we should just square up to the fact that we're the only country without universal healthcare in the free, developed world, and we should just revolutionize and do the deed.
Anyway, that was my little political fanfare for the day. I'm tired and crabby and my day off has started, and I plan to spend at least 8 hours of it sleeping. But in the meantime, here's another long political rant - in the form of a movie. It's full length, but you might want to check out at least some of it before you go buy your next pair of 2 dollar slippers.
07 January 2007
Britons to be scanned for FBI database
I just came across this on The Guardian website. Here's a few choice excerpts....
The Observer has established that under new plans to combat terrorism, the US government will demand that visitors have all 10 fingers scanned when they enter the country. The information will be shared with intelligence agencies, including the FBI, with no restrictions on their international use.
Countries subject to the new scheme include Britain, other European Union nations, Japan, Australia and New Zealand.
Britons already have their credit card details and email accounts inspected by the American authorities following a deal between the EU and the Department of Homeland Security. Now passengers face having all their credit card transactions traced when using one to book a flight. And travellers giving an email address to an airline will be open to having all messages they send and receive from that address scrutinised.
I don't know about you, but I feel totally naked now.
Read the whole article here .....
The GUARDIAN
If you found this depressing, horrifying, or whatever, then maybe this will cheer you up. I am embarrassed to say it did me!
AMERICAN IDOL TWO-NIGHT SEASON PREMIERE JANUARY 16 AND 17
YAY for another four months of shameless meat-marketing!
The Observer has established that under new plans to combat terrorism, the US government will demand that visitors have all 10 fingers scanned when they enter the country. The information will be shared with intelligence agencies, including the FBI, with no restrictions on their international use.
Countries subject to the new scheme include Britain, other European Union nations, Japan, Australia and New Zealand.
Britons already have their credit card details and email accounts inspected by the American authorities following a deal between the EU and the Department of Homeland Security. Now passengers face having all their credit card transactions traced when using one to book a flight. And travellers giving an email address to an airline will be open to having all messages they send and receive from that address scrutinised.
I don't know about you, but I feel totally naked now.
Read the whole article here .....
The GUARDIAN
If you found this depressing, horrifying, or whatever, then maybe this will cheer you up. I am embarrassed to say it did me!
AMERICAN IDOL TWO-NIGHT SEASON PREMIERE JANUARY 16 AND 17
YAY for another four months of shameless meat-marketing!
06 January 2007
Trouble Hiding in the Bushes.
Apparently I confused-and-or offended some people in my other blog about Laura Bush and her blood-shitting. I guess the thought of a former-democratic Texan mouse-wife sitting on the toilet and analyzing her toilet paper just isn't appetizing, or else it steals away from her doe-eyed glamour. (Click here to see the controversial cover.)
TO MAKE IT CLEAR - that was a front-page shot from The Onion, which is a parody newspaper that is published both in print and online. Kind of a no-holds-barred comedic attack on everything in the political, pop culture, and general American world. Here's a link so that you can decide whether you are enthralled or appalled...........
TO MAKE IT CLEAR - that was a front-page shot from The Onion, which is a parody newspaper that is published both in print and online. Kind of a no-holds-barred comedic attack on everything in the political, pop culture, and general American world. Here's a link so that you can decide whether you are enthralled or appalled...........
THE ONION
Actually that picture was from the Sunday Magazine insert of the Onion. For your pleasure/horror, I present some more.
This one is the best - - - - - -- -
You can view them all here - SUNDAY MAGAZINE
Tonight I caught a brief bit of the local news, which should only be brief, because nothing really happens here. Anyway, it was WLUC TV-6, and Greg Trick (who must be getting the Barbara Hershey collagen lip-injections or something) reported on two men falling through the ice on a lake in Delta County.
WHO THE FUCK IS OUT ON THE ICE RIGHT NOW? IT HAS BEEN IN THE FORTIES FOR TWO WEEKS! WE HAVE NO SNOW! FUCKING IDIOTS!
Ok, I just wanted to swear a little. But we've also had all these skiing accidents at the hospital, and I don't get that either, because I would imagine that any 'snow' on the slopes would be just ice, or like a Slushee with no flavor.
I'm watching MARS ATTACKS right now. Anybody who does not understand this movie's comedic intent needs to go back to funny school.
I have three more days of my five-day stretch working at the hospital. If you are reading this, please don't come in! As much as I love you, we just don't need any more customers right now.
Here's one more picture of a family photo I'm working on. This one is in bad shape. That's my Great-Grandmother Harvey on the left, and my great-great aunt (the one in the previous picture.)
This one is the best - - - - - -- -
You can view them all here - SUNDAY MAGAZINE
Tonight I caught a brief bit of the local news, which should only be brief, because nothing really happens here. Anyway, it was WLUC TV-6, and Greg Trick (who must be getting the Barbara Hershey collagen lip-injections or something) reported on two men falling through the ice on a lake in Delta County.
WHO THE FUCK IS OUT ON THE ICE RIGHT NOW? IT HAS BEEN IN THE FORTIES FOR TWO WEEKS! WE HAVE NO SNOW! FUCKING IDIOTS!
Ok, I just wanted to swear a little. But we've also had all these skiing accidents at the hospital, and I don't get that either, because I would imagine that any 'snow' on the slopes would be just ice, or like a Slushee with no flavor.
I'm watching MARS ATTACKS right now. Anybody who does not understand this movie's comedic intent needs to go back to funny school.
I have three more days of my five-day stretch working at the hospital. If you are reading this, please don't come in! As much as I love you, we just don't need any more customers right now.
Here's one more picture of a family photo I'm working on. This one is in bad shape. That's my Great-Grandmother Harvey on the left, and my great-great aunt (the one in the previous picture.)
04 January 2007
Little House on the Horrid, Evil Prairie
As many of you know, I've been a life-long fan of Little House on the Prairie, a fancy that should be hidden away and not discussed with others. Really, when I tell most people that I watch that show constantly, and have seen every episode, they say something along the lines of "you're a dumbass." And then they usually admit to the fact that they've seen at least enough episodes that they can relate to some of the reasons that I find the show entertaining, even 20 years past its heyday.
So tonight I pressed the TIVO button (um, yeah, I record Little House, but only in small amounts, because it is on 50 times a day and would overwhelm the tivo hard drive) and found that one of my all-time favorite episodes was on - "May We Make Them Proud." If you don't recognize Little House episodes by name, you might recognize this one if I mention three words - Blind School Fire.
If you ever read the books by Laura Ingalls Wilder, you would know that she wrote a series based on the lighthearded memories of her youth. Although she did suffer personal tragedies, like any other person on the planet, Wilder left most of those out of the books. About the worst that happens in the novels involves having to keep warm with burning haysticks during a blizzard, or getting a spanking for being naughty.
Well when you turn a 7-volume series of books into a 9-year television series, I guess you have to add a little "drama" here and there beyond what happens within the books, because of course you don't have the material to cover several hundred hours of viewing pleasure. So new characters were invented, moral-packed story lines invented, and many children were probably scared into months of nightmares on occasion.
The episode I speak of is one of those scarring memories from childhood that, when I watch it now, gives me a cheap thrill. Because this isn't the usual Little House episode, with Harriet spilling gossip or Laura stealing a music box. This is sheer, war-like terror - the kind of thing that if it were real, would be on CNN for 24 hours straight.
Basically the storyline is as follows - the blind school is adding an addition, so they decide to throw a chili cook-out in the front yard as a fundraiser. (I won't comment any further on the historically inaccurate portrayal of the Ingalls family eating chili in the 1880s.) Albert "let's add an orphan to the show to add some spark" Ingalls and some ugly friend decide to steal some old guy's pipe and go smoke in the basement (there was no minimum age on smoking back then, so why they had to go in the basement is beyond me.) After a couple sickening puffs of smoke (children smoking on television was just fine in the early 80s) they are almost caught by Hester Sue "token black lady for diversity's sake" Terhune, and discard the STILL LIT pipe into a convenient box full of cinder-ific clothes.
(Hopefully my over-use of parentheses didn't make the above paragraph illegible.)
Several hours pass, as do several shots of the ominously growing spark pile, until the box bursts into flames, in an unlikely poof, as though someone threw gasoline in the box. Anyway, Hester Sue goes to check on that "slight odor" that she and Alice Garvey hint at over their cups of tea, and sees smoke emanating from the basement door. So what does she do? She swings open the door, and it's like the movie "Backdraft",except Hester Sue doesn't singe a single hair.
Never mind the fact that she could've just pushed the door shut and avoided a worse disaster. Never mind the fact that the basement door is perched conveniently below the only exit from the upstairs. In fact, I would love to go back to a prior episode to see if that door was even there.
Anyway, upstairs, there are all those poor blind children to evacuate! So Alice, Hester Sue, and helpless, whiney, blind Adam go upstairs and get all the kids out. Adam gets to Mary and tells her of the situation, but she decides to tuck her baby into his crib for the night before leaving the inferno (she was book-smart, but that's where it ended.) Anyway, everyone is evacuated, except for the baby and a "token black blind boy" who is conveniently stuck in the bathroom. (Again, I won't comment any further on the modern plumbing they had in this 19th century prairie school.) So Alice saves the kid from the shitter, but goddamn it - aww shoot! Nobody got the baby! So she goes back in, the saint that she is.
Well even saints do evil things. Because the next thing we know, Alice is trapped upstairs in the towering inferno, and as the blind children and adults lay on the grass, seemingly "watching" the blaze (apparently the heat tipped them off to the direction of the fire) we suddenly hear screams from the upper window.
It's Alice, with the baby, and as searing flames close in about them, she decides to break the window in an attempt to escape. So instead of grabbing a chair or some other implement, she uses the baby as a battering ram to break the window, all to no avail. Apparently the baby doesn't prove to be a good glass-breaking device, because that's the last we see of Alice alive. Or the baby. So then Mary, after annoying us by screaming "My Baby" about 200 times, falls into some sort of psychosis.
After the commercial we arrive at the next day, and we see "hero hair" Michael Landon come out of the dirty, smoldering ruins, clean as an angel on the highway to heaven, with what is apprently the baby. The child is conveniently swaddled in spotless white cloth, so that we aren't further horrified by the site of a crisply burnt child. Likewise, the body of Alice is wrapped sarcophagus-style in a spotless sheet, with her now motherless child Andy (still not over the whole barn burning incident) and her dashing football-star husband weeping silently over it.
I'm sure Merlin Oleson was a great ratings asset to the show - but his weeping abilities were sorely lacking. He should've taken some direction from Mary, whose pitiful life was filled with opportunities for her to practice shedding tears.
Going on... then Doc Baker, who apparently has skills as an arson investigator along with his veterinarian/people-fixer degree, finds the pipe in the mess. Apparently when a mansion-sized house burns to the ground, it's really not that hard to find such things, even though a house that large would theoretically fill the basement cavity with debris. Well he shows the pipe to Charles, who evidently has to know everything that goes on. Then the doc turns his attentions to Mary and drugs her into oblivion with "sleeping powders." I wonder if those were snorted?
So blah blah - the rest of the show is worthless to watch. Albert feels guilt, Mary wakes up 9 days later from her drug-induced coma and screams "My Baby" another 200 shrill times, Albert runs away, Mary then decides it's her turn to bloody herself up by breaking through a window, and the rest is just the usual teary-eyed blather. Everything is resolved in the end, except that now the actress who played Alice (Hersha Parady) is out of a job. I'm sure the "baby" was just a doll, so that's no big deal - even the directors of the less-moral eighties would've known better than to break glass with a real child. And I think Hester Sue sings a song and they put up some new plaque, which for some reason Harriet doesn't object to. Of course you can't really have Harriet around at such somber occasions, because she would just say something mean and ruin the tears. God, I love Harriet.
End of story. If that wasn't enough drama for you, check out some of the other dandies that the Little House crew produced - such as child-hunk James getting shot in the head, or the Sylvia two-parter - a charming story of child rape and masked demons. There are also at least three episodes involving carriage or wagon incidents, usually resulting in maiming and death. Particularly lovely is the one where James and Cassandra get to watch their parents die hideously - always good to expose children to such things early on.
So if you were among the millions that decided it was irresistable to go on youtube and watch Saddam's hanging, you would get a much bigger thrill by looking for that episode of Little House, next time it's on. Or any "very special" episode. And these are all lovingly filmed in full color by real cameras, not some jiggly middle eastern videophone.
Speaking of little houses, I decided to take a picture of my living room tonight, because I finally decided that it was presentable enough now to call a "living room." A little cramped, but the new sectional suits it well, and the clutter sort of takes attention away from the extreme crookedness of the house. As you can see, my small zoo of creatures love the new couch.
Click on the photo for a somewhat larger version.
03 January 2007
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Illness, and the art of photo restoration
So my dad had major surgery yesterday - he had a blockage in his colon and abcesses, amongst other things. It was a last-minute deal and he was doing ok, but in ICU for the time being. They had to remove part of his colon and perform an ostomy, which I guess he'll have for quite a while. Not fun I'm sure
Anyway today I guess his oxygen levels were bad and he wasn't breathing that great - a lot of coughing, which just isn't good when you have a huge abdominal incision - so they put him on a ventilator. Anyway I went up there to visit and my mother was there of course, and seeing someone on a ventilator just isn't fun, because obviously they have a tube shoved down their windpipe and another down into their stomach, and they have to be totally sedated. We learned in EMT class that you can't intubate a person who is conscious, because of course having something stuck down your throat like that would cause instant panic and vomiting. So anyway, my dad was sedated but kept coming to just a little bit, so of course he would sort of jerk around, and his hands were tied down (because it would be an obvious reaction to pull the tube out if you woke up) so it just wasn't fun to watch. Anyway, I guess he's doing much better on the ventilator, or was when I left, and I told my mother she needed to leave too, because she seemed rather freaked out every time he moved.
So anyway, I guess he's on the ventilator for at least a couple days, until he starts to heal up and his lungs clear out, and then he'll be in the hospital for a few days if all goes well. Of course he's in terrible health as it is - three heart attacks and heading into the world of dementia - so who knows. I've never had a good relationship with him - in fact, he has done a lot of things that I would like him to apologize to me and others for, but I'm not too worried about it now. I just don't want my mother to go crazy (and my sister freaks out wayyyy too much about everything, so she isn't helping matters and I told her to just calm down a bit tonight.)
And I get freaked out too - in fact, this job at the hospital has turned me into a total hypochondriac. It is very disturbing to me, when we have patients come in with chest pain, or shortness of breath, or cancer of any sort, and they are close to my age. VERY disturbing. Because now every time I have the slightest bit of pain or tingle anywhere, I get nervous, knowing that there are quite a lot of people in their thirties that get seriously ill. If the stress doesn't kill me, my own imagination will.
So I've been seriously working on trying to get a litle healthier - I'm trying to eat FRUIT, which I'm not a huge fan of, and other such nice things, and less crap. Seriously, I probably eat more sugar in a month than most people do in a year. The fact that I take vitamins is probably the only reason I don't have scurvy or rickets or some other deficiency disease.
And at work they have a really good program for employees that allows us to use all the exercise equipment in the physical therapy department - which is brand new, and the equipment is very nice. So I am going to join that, which is 25 bucks a month, deducted right from the paycheck - not bad considering the convenience of it. Sticking with it is the challenge, because I've joined three different gyms and the longest I lasted was about six months. But I intend to this time. Ah, the idiocy of new year's resolutions.
Anyway, I had to go let my mother's shih-tzu Rosie out yesterday, and I had been wanting to scan some pictures that were at her house, so I grabbed a few boxes and brought them home. Many of them are REALLY old family portraits from my mother's side, mostly from Ireland and England, and I've been working on some photo restoration.
I'm not an expert, and I tried using Adobe Photoshop, but I got nowhere. It is an insane program, and to learn it would be along the lines of learning CAD, which I also tried desperately to learn once. So I used Picasa and a couple different paint programs to work on a few of them. My favorite is the one below, which you'll see as a "before" and "after" so that I can show off my incredible amateurish skill. Seriously, I impressed myself! This photo had tears in and a little water damage but was otherwise a very clear photograph and not in too terribly bad shape. Some of the others will require more work. But my goal is to get all of these old photos scanned and fixed up, so that they can be saved from further deterioration, and also I plan to get them printed and frame them. I did a little experimental framing with the one below - I took an existing, cheap frame that had a little ocean scene in it, and replaced that scene with the photo.
So anyway, here's the picture, before, after, and in the frame. The woman in the photo is Catherine Harvey, who was my great-great aunt and my favorite relative of all. She was born in 1899 and died in 1985, so I would suspect this is a later-teen portrait of her, putting it at around 1917 or so.
Anyway today I guess his oxygen levels were bad and he wasn't breathing that great - a lot of coughing, which just isn't good when you have a huge abdominal incision - so they put him on a ventilator. Anyway I went up there to visit and my mother was there of course, and seeing someone on a ventilator just isn't fun, because obviously they have a tube shoved down their windpipe and another down into their stomach, and they have to be totally sedated. We learned in EMT class that you can't intubate a person who is conscious, because of course having something stuck down your throat like that would cause instant panic and vomiting. So anyway, my dad was sedated but kept coming to just a little bit, so of course he would sort of jerk around, and his hands were tied down (because it would be an obvious reaction to pull the tube out if you woke up) so it just wasn't fun to watch. Anyway, I guess he's doing much better on the ventilator, or was when I left, and I told my mother she needed to leave too, because she seemed rather freaked out every time he moved.
So anyway, I guess he's on the ventilator for at least a couple days, until he starts to heal up and his lungs clear out, and then he'll be in the hospital for a few days if all goes well. Of course he's in terrible health as it is - three heart attacks and heading into the world of dementia - so who knows. I've never had a good relationship with him - in fact, he has done a lot of things that I would like him to apologize to me and others for, but I'm not too worried about it now. I just don't want my mother to go crazy (and my sister freaks out wayyyy too much about everything, so she isn't helping matters and I told her to just calm down a bit tonight.)
And I get freaked out too - in fact, this job at the hospital has turned me into a total hypochondriac. It is very disturbing to me, when we have patients come in with chest pain, or shortness of breath, or cancer of any sort, and they are close to my age. VERY disturbing. Because now every time I have the slightest bit of pain or tingle anywhere, I get nervous, knowing that there are quite a lot of people in their thirties that get seriously ill. If the stress doesn't kill me, my own imagination will.
So I've been seriously working on trying to get a litle healthier - I'm trying to eat FRUIT, which I'm not a huge fan of, and other such nice things, and less crap. Seriously, I probably eat more sugar in a month than most people do in a year. The fact that I take vitamins is probably the only reason I don't have scurvy or rickets or some other deficiency disease.
And at work they have a really good program for employees that allows us to use all the exercise equipment in the physical therapy department - which is brand new, and the equipment is very nice. So I am going to join that, which is 25 bucks a month, deducted right from the paycheck - not bad considering the convenience of it. Sticking with it is the challenge, because I've joined three different gyms and the longest I lasted was about six months. But I intend to this time. Ah, the idiocy of new year's resolutions.
Anyway, I had to go let my mother's shih-tzu Rosie out yesterday, and I had been wanting to scan some pictures that were at her house, so I grabbed a few boxes and brought them home. Many of them are REALLY old family portraits from my mother's side, mostly from Ireland and England, and I've been working on some photo restoration.
I'm not an expert, and I tried using Adobe Photoshop, but I got nowhere. It is an insane program, and to learn it would be along the lines of learning CAD, which I also tried desperately to learn once. So I used Picasa and a couple different paint programs to work on a few of them. My favorite is the one below, which you'll see as a "before" and "after" so that I can show off my incredible amateurish skill. Seriously, I impressed myself! This photo had tears in and a little water damage but was otherwise a very clear photograph and not in too terribly bad shape. Some of the others will require more work. But my goal is to get all of these old photos scanned and fixed up, so that they can be saved from further deterioration, and also I plan to get them printed and frame them. I did a little experimental framing with the one below - I took an existing, cheap frame that had a little ocean scene in it, and replaced that scene with the photo.
So anyway, here's the picture, before, after, and in the frame. The woman in the photo is Catherine Harvey, who was my great-great aunt and my favorite relative of all. She was born in 1899 and died in 1985, so I would suspect this is a later-teen portrait of her, putting it at around 1917 or so.
So here's the BEFORE -
(click on them for larger images)
(click on them for larger images)
And AFTER -
and my experimental framing -
and my experimental framing -
02 January 2007
The green, green grass of January
It's just so ironic! There are all these news items about terrible storms plowing through the lower midwest, dumping foot after foot of snow, and accompanied by pictures like this -
Well for the first time ever since I have lived in the U.P., we have reached a new year without snow. Here is a picture of a gloomy morning, yesterday out my front window -
Well for the first time ever since I have lived in the U.P., we have reached a new year without snow. Here is a picture of a gloomy morning, yesterday out my front window -
Yes, some of that grass IS green. And people here are going nuts without their beloved, nasty snow. Yes, it's hurting the local economy and spoiling people's weekend fun, but I love it. I feel like the news commentator guy in the movie Airplane! who turns to the camera and says "I say LET 'em crash!"
I spent most of my afternoon sitting in the waiting room as my dad had major surgery at the hospital/my workplace. He had a major bowel obstruction with large abcesses, and potentially cancer, although that won't be decided until later in the week. Anyway, he has an ostomy, which he will have for at least a couple months, and is in intensive care. Apparently they were going to put him on a ventilator but he did fine without one for the time being. Anyway, he will probably be in the hospital for at least another week.
I hate such situations, not only because of the obvious, but because whenever anyone asked why I was there and I told them, they were pressed into doing the "oh no, is everything ok?" with that worried thing going on with their face. Well, I don't deal well with such things as having people do that to me, so I was rather glad to leave after a miserable four hours of sitting in uncomfortable chairs and reading year-old magazines. Don't I sound sympathetic! Well I am, but I really feel quite useless sitting in a waiting room like that, and didn't see him at all anyway. Anyway, he is doing fine tonight.
Two more days off! It's been so long that I know not what to do with myself.
I spent most of my afternoon sitting in the waiting room as my dad had major surgery at the hospital/my workplace. He had a major bowel obstruction with large abcesses, and potentially cancer, although that won't be decided until later in the week. Anyway, he has an ostomy, which he will have for at least a couple months, and is in intensive care. Apparently they were going to put him on a ventilator but he did fine without one for the time being. Anyway, he will probably be in the hospital for at least another week.
I hate such situations, not only because of the obvious, but because whenever anyone asked why I was there and I told them, they were pressed into doing the "oh no, is everything ok?" with that worried thing going on with their face. Well, I don't deal well with such things as having people do that to me, so I was rather glad to leave after a miserable four hours of sitting in uncomfortable chairs and reading year-old magazines. Don't I sound sympathetic! Well I am, but I really feel quite useless sitting in a waiting room like that, and didn't see him at all anyway. Anyway, he is doing fine tonight.
Two more days off! It's been so long that I know not what to do with myself.
01 January 2007
My hopes and fears for 2007. ILLUSTRATED
Over the past 34 trips around the sun, I have had many different experiences on the first day of each new year. Some were planned out in great detail to make for an extraordinary event; I don't remember any as being that extraordinary. Many years I have been either unceremonious or working; this year was an example of both. Although I only worked until 11, and had invites to go to a couple different local-flavor bars, I decided I was not in the mood for a disappointment, and really didn't want to ring in the new year while drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon in hospital scrubs. (Sorry to offend anyone - but the bars in this neck of the woods are, to the last one, AWFUL.)
There were various years where I did have fun - one such festivity almost involved me "coming out" at the Shamrock in Marquette, several years before I finally did it for real. Another more distant New Year ring-in involved the death of my grandmother at about an hour after midnight. So to me, celebrating New Year's Eve is sort of like being a chicken in a cockfight - you either die, or you win but now you're missing an eye and a foot. Well, maybe not so bad as that.
I came home and switched on my enormous 80s console tv, and started looking for Dick Clark. Was he on? There was a show entitled "Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve" or whatever, and I saw several glimpses of Ryan Seacrest (or one of those cookie-cutter boy-hosts,) but not the big Dick. That was my only reason for even turning on the tv - I wanted to see if he has gotten over the stroke, which would mean that he is still young-ish as ever, which would make me feel like I'm not getting really old. Does that make sense? God, I hope not.
But of course, ABC doesn't allow for us central-timers to feel part of the ceremony - it's only 11 here when they ring in the holiday, and so we have to just do a pretend ball-drop at midnight, which is when I got home. And, my god, that show is just awful. Are people really that ridiculous anymore? The performers were either people I had never heard of, or MEATLOAF, who should just retire. And when I heard something about Fergie hosting a party in Hollywood, I turned the channel. I don't want to see ex-royals grinding with Ludacris. Next the Duchess of York will be showing HER hoo-hah while exiting a limo. Change of topic.
Anyway, I got to thinking of what the new year might/should/won't entail, and started putting together some predictions. Being the psychic that I am not (I did predict Steve Carrell's rise in popularity, however) I thought I would take a smack at what I hope happens, what I hope DOESN'T happen, and what is just inevitable. With pictures.
Here we go.
1. The end of the dictatorship
Yeah, I know. He'll still be here. But now he's got some compa-tishin from the Con-griss. And no matter what, I just don't think he'll be able to get his war drums beating again. Rumsfeld's gone; Saddam's dead (and people didn't care much - they just wanted the opportunity to see a real hangin'); and people are just fed up. So maybe the opposition will be able to voice opinions freely again without getting a mouth-smack or put on the "do not fly" list.
2. Europe Will Get Cooler.
No, not because of global warming, because that wouldn't make sense. To most people. But anyhoo...The European Union now has more people, more trade, and more money than the United States. And come on - they have a lot of coolness - think IKEA!! So, since the "freedom fries" bullshit has died down, maybe people over here will pay more attention to what they are getting right over there. Which leads me to
3. Gay Rights
Now that the republicans and the christian right have trampled on the constitutions of most of the states by banning same-sex unions of all sorts (and constitutions were made to PROTECT rights, not take them away,) there is no direction to go but up. Really. And if people would pay more attention to the world around them, they would realize what fools we have been. Because if I wanted to, I could grab me a feller, hop in the car and drive 3 hours to Canada and go get hitched, and it would be legal, at least there. Even though the homophobes got their way for a while, the rainbow flags and gay cowboys are looming ever closer, and it won't take long for those in the middle to recall such past eras as segregation and prohibition, that just didn't work out.
4. The Next President Will either Have an Afro or a French Manicure.
You gotta face it - Hillary bashing has lost its groove, because she's basically proven herself to be pretty level-headed. And this Obama guy is seemingly invincible - a Tiger Woods who can give a Kennedy-like speech.
but sorry,Condi........
1+1 doesn't always equal two. I really think that she MUST be computer-generated, because the combination of black/female/republican just doesn't seem to compute, does it? She's like a tuna-and-cool-whip-on-banana-bread sandwich. A combination that nobody really asks for at the deli, am I right?
5. PLEASE - no more MUFFINTOP!
The combination of tight, low-rise jeans and a touch of abdominal fat cannot possibly be considered sexy to anyone. In fact, this is what comes to mind for me when I think of a classic muffintop -
-which is just hideously wrong. So hopefully the fad of women's jeans that button at the clitoris will die out. That also leads me to hope the following:
6. NO MORE MEN IN WOMEN'S JEANS
Okay, that photo is probably a chick. I had trouble googling for men in capri pants, so maybe that's a good sign. The closest thing I could find was this -
which is disgusting too, but at least there's no embroidery.
7. RAMPANT VIRAL DISEASES WILL DESTROY WEDDINGS (just like the gays marryin')
I just thought this was a funny image. But SARS is skeery.
8. I WILL FINALLY FIGURE OUT THE IPOD CRAZE
Seriously, it's just a fancy walkman, isn't it? Why the fuss? Or am I just jealous that I don't have one? No, no, no - not when I see something like this-
An ipod cozy. Suddenly it makes sense to me. Okay, I am a little bit jealous.
So that's some predictions - I've run out of ideas and pictures for today.
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