There are some things about my job that are great. There are some things about my job that are hideous. First, the hideous (for it is always good to end on a good note....)
1. Working 9 to 5 would be nice. But i work 3 to 11. Which is what I always have preferred, because when you start work in the afternoon, you usually get up somewhere in the morning hours, so you have that few hours before work to do something. But then I get home, and I'm wound up like a spool of thread - god, that's a stupid analogy - I'm so stupid sometimes. I'm wound up like a top - whatever. So then I can't get to sleep until later; then I sleep later; so it ends up being that I am sleeping until 11 in the morning or so. At least that's the way it is at this time of year, when it is so dark and depressing out anyway. Although today we had sun, yay.
2. My job entails a lot of paperwork - TONS of paperwork. And when an Emergency Department gets busy, it doesn't just happen gradually. Everything explodes at once. And for some reason, we Emergency people have to register and "admit" all newborn babies and their mothers. They are on the other side of the hospital, in the OB ward - but we still have to register them, then run down there with TONS of paperwork.
And if you haven't been in an OB department in a while - they are CRAZY. The mothers wear electronic bracelets that are in sync with electronic ankle bracelets on their babies. All visitors have to wear badges, and all the employees in the area have to wear these special colour-coded pieces of laminated construction paper. Have I ranted about OB before? This conversation sounds oddly familiar. But anyway, a "code pink" would be announced throughout the hospital if a baby were to be kidnapped, which hasn't happened yet on my shift.
But tonight, we had an "E Alert" because someone stole two purses from the offices in the basement, so we had cops floating around all night, and all these secretive messages flowing across the loudspeakers. They never found the purses - I hid them well. No, not really.
3 There is nothing - NOTHING - in this world that bothers me more than people who go on power trips. RNs are very guilty of such things at times. And nothing is worse than a power tripper who needs to be on mood stabilizers. That's all I have to say on that one - well, except that I would like to remind these RNs that they only have associate's degrees! Not to go on my own power trip, but I personally went for the much higher and prestigious bachelor's degree, which I almost got, had I not fucked around so badly and never graduated. So to that RN I say HA! And quit being so moody.
4. You can always tell which people are really sick, versus the ones that are just there for attention, drugs, or hypochondria. The ones that are really sick don't have to put on an act - they KNOW they are sick and they try to act very politely about it. The ones that put on a big show are the ones that are either 1. just wantin' some drugs or 2. just wantin' an excuse to take off work.
5. Unions are incredible things, and we had our union vote today, but unfortunately the Emergency Department was so busy that I didn't get to go down and vote. Those kinds of things just happen.
6. I can't stand to see people in real pain. A lot of people seem to get more upset when they see a child in pain, and if the circumstances are bad, then it is really upsetting. But most of the time, children are crying not only because of pain, but because they're scared as shit to be in the Emergency room! And we all went through that phase. What really affects me is to see grown people who, as hard as they try, just can't keep the tears back because they hurt so badly. We had a guy come in who was hurt at work - cut his thumb nearly off, among other things - and he was just bawling, and I almost did too. Then tonight, this little old lady was trying to insist that she was okay, but then a moment later she would just clutch her head and shake from the terrible pain she was having. These are the patients that I wish I could just shoot up with pain meds myself - but unfortunately, I am not technically 'medical staff.'
The great things -
1. I am terrible at dealing with bad or awkward situations - and never know what to say to someone when they are upset. So the way I deal with such nasty moments is with humor - which can backfire. But usually it doesn't, and if I'm putting a bracelet on someone who's going to be admitted for possible surgery or even worse, and I can make them laugh about it - it just makes me feel like maybe I'm not such a horrible person.
2. Not all RNs are bad - in fact some are just plain crazy and that makes them fun. And the doctors in ED are different than your normal MD - they are much less formal and more personable with everyone, because they know that they have to deal with everyone in a decent way because of the way everyone has to work together down there. So it's nice to be able to call the doctors "Bob" or "John" and it's funny when the nurses tell them to shut up.
3. There's more, but I need to go to bed. Badly.
18 December 2006
15 December 2006
Today's Headlines, in brief
I hardly ever read the news anymore. Seriously, I feel so apolitical right now (is that a word?) Maybe it's the seasonal affective disorder, or just pure and utter apathy, but I just find that the news doesn't excite me anymore.
For one thing, in the last couple years I really figured out how much real news is just sort of "left out" in America. I wouldn't call it blatant censorship; just a very mild control over the media by both the conservative government and the big corporations who now own the news outlets and really shouldn't. I mean honestly, they should really just re-name ABC news something like "Mickey Mouse's Daily Doodle." If you look into other world sources of news, you might be surprised what you come up with, but if you look at any of our big news outlets, you basically get four categories of news:
1. Anything about Iraq/Israel and that whole mess, and the things people
say about them that make them get scolded by the other guys
2. Any shock-value crime stories, such as school shootings and crimes commited by the insane (crimes by Mexicans are currently in vogue.)
3. Blatantly retarded Hollywood stories, such as the breakup of Winona Ryder and Colin Powell (I made that up.)
4. Any mixture of the three that puts down a political party, or the political view of some celebrity or another. Except Oprah. Oprah never seems to get in trouble. But Rosie O'Donnell does, because she's fat and she's a lez, and you're just not supposed to like fat ugly women, especially if they like to do other chicks. (For those of you who don't understand my sarcasm, I just want you to know that i have nothing against obesity or ugliness, and I don't really think Rosie O'Donnell is that unattractive anyway. But those lesbians - they're aginst the Bible, by george.)
(Wink. Enter lightning strike HERE.)
Anypoop, I feel like looking at the news tonight - don't know why, and I will share some headlines and comment. Note: my comments do not share nor denote the opinions of the outlets from whence they come. And I never mean to offend - I just offer the viewpoints of me, a college dropout who may be totally delusional. Kind of a Barbra Streisand kind of thing. Except I will allow you to view me from whatever side you like!
The following are all from CNN (because it's bookmarked on my browser and I'm familiar with its setup - otherwise I'd pick any other one besides Fox, which would be fun too, but that's for a totally different day.)
Millions in the Northwest Could Be in the Dark for Days
Now that's excitement. Inconvenient, perhaps - but who doesn't love a dramatic weather/natural disaster story? Especially if you are not involved; but windstorms and tornadoes are very exciting in my mind (not the death part - that's horrible of course) because I've been in two tornadoes and I can't remember a bigger adrenaline rush. And at least the Northwest isn't that cold, so it won't be like those poor souls in St. Louis that I commented on earlier in the month.......(Brian Livingston, are you still there? Eye thing.....)
U.S. to move 3,500 troops into Kuwait
Seriously, who can read anything about this stuff and even care anymore? I'm sorry if you have a relative over there or a friend, because of course you care, as do I. But as far as news goes, the whole war thing has lost any meaning or sense. There's just one bombing after another in Baghdad, one crisis or another in Israel, and one comment or another from some idiot at the Pentagon. Or from their boss, whatever his name is. First of all, can anyone keep track of this whole mess? And am I the only one that is horrified by these daily Shiite/Sunni bombings that are killing masses of people? That shit would never have started if we wouldn't have messed up that country so badly. Sure, it wasn't in a good state before either, but I can't imagine how terrifying it is even to step out in public in Iraq now. Sadaam Hussein couldn't unite these people, so he basically just let them rule their own little corners of the country, and now we go in and unite them in a "democratic" government, which they don't seem to like real well. They didn't like Sadaam either, apparently, but that's beside the point. Now not only are our troops in daily danger, but so is every single person in that country, and it's a scary mess.
Executions halted in Florida, California
Good. I can't think of anything more botched or corrupt than our whole death penalty system. It should be done away with. We have two states, both of which have been or are run by Bushes, that execute hundreds, then a few states that execute someone every once in a while, and then states like Michigan where it's not an option at all. How does that work? And how does dying by being put to sleep like a poor sick animal count as a "punishment" anyway, except as a mental punishment? And how come the rest of the "civilized" world did away with capital punishment, while we still have it along with some dandy countries like Saudi Arabia, Iran, and China? I know it's a touchy subject - it's one that I feel strongly about - but I value anyone's opinion on it.
Scores ill after eating at Indiana Olive Garden
Just another reason to shop/eat locally. Especially here, because we don't have none of those there Olive Gardens. Just lots of Subways.
U.S. may face new dangers when Castro dies
Didn't read this one. But knowing that we are forbidden by our own government to visit there or buy anything from them, while the rest of the world does, makes me wonder - what exactly does "freedom" mean?
First ladies stand by their men on coins
Cool idea, bad headline. First ladies on coins - great - but why not pick some other more deserving Americans, like Helen Keller or Harriet Tubman? Or Paris Hilton? Look at all she's done for us.
Publisher in O.J. book scandal fired
Laughable, and another horrible chapter added to the US history book. They should've just gone ahead and put the book out - people would've bought it. Then maybe Ronald Goldman's family would've been able to get some money off the asshole, since he's been denying them what he owes them for years.
Paris didn't blog about Britney, spokesman says
Didn't read it, for two reasons. 1. I don't care. 2. It's in the top headlines, and shouldn't be.
Superman Returns' falls flat
Who would've guessed? Maybe it's due to the fact that the 2nd and most prominent man to play Superman broke his neck and died later. We tend to associate things, and dislike change - "New Coke" style. Kinda like when Val Kilmer played Batman. Why? Who likes Val Kilmer? Isn't he supposed to be a huge asshole? Why did I just go on a rant about Val Kilmer? And did you know that one of my favorite movies is "Real Genius?" Except that young main kid in the movie was kinda agelessly creepy, and I wonder what he looks like now. I shall IMDB later.
Rumsfeld praised on final day at Pentagon
Well at least he had some charisma. Kind of a charming man in a way, as horrible as he was. Much better than John Ashcroft, who, if you have time to look for it, sung a wonderful song that he wrote himself called "Let the Eagle Soar." Or "Now the Eagle's Sore." Now there's one horrible man.
Rice rejects talks with Iran, Syria on Iraq
Does anyone really believe this woman? A black, female republican who happens to be really smart? Is that racist? I don't mean it to be whatsoever. But by God, you can see it in her smile, can't you? She has no acting abilities whatsoever - whenever she tries to make a point, she gets this shy-like, gapped-tooth grin going. Even so, I do kinda like her, just because she's a smart black female republican, and because that's almost like something that should be in Ripley's Believe It or Not. (Another note to the sarcistically uninclined - I have nothing against black women, and I think they can be just as smart as any other race of human. But I think she should get that gap in her teeth fixed. She probably makes enough money for that, right? Or maybe not, because she's a black female?)
New wariness arises for menopause hormones
You poor, aging women. How they do like to fuck with your heads and scare the shit out of you. Every time I schedule someone a mammogram at work I think to myself, 'ouch.'
Tribe banking on bird's-eye view of Grand Canyon
Great - first the Brady Bunch went there and trampled the sacred grounds, and now the tribes are doing it too. Maybe they could hook some whirlpool mineral tubs up to Old Faithful - why waste all that good hot water?
Iranians hit polls, test president
I really don't know what this means, and I didn't even look at what it was about. All I know is that we were supposed to be skeered of Iran a long time ago, then we weren't, and now we are again. Maybe it's Sally Field's fault for that movie "Not Without My Daughter." Bridgette, please do your rendition........
Georgia rules Potter can stay on school shelves
Oh my fucking God. I don't even want to know what was behind this link. Harry Potter? I saw disgustingly distasteful books at the bookstore a while back about a farting dog, and they're worried about Harry Potter? Are kids not allowed to fantasize anymore? Or are we just supposed to give them realistic reading, like the Bible?
"When the Lord delivers it into your hand, put to the sword all the males .... As for the women, the children, the livestock and everything else in the city, you may take these as plunder for yourselves." (Deuteronomy 20:13-14)
And here's CNN's daily QuickPoll -
That's important to ponder. What do I think? Well, babies are cute, but I've seen a few ugly ones. I've never seen an ugly panda.
(enter second lightning strike. Ouch.)
Think about it a while before you make your decision. And feel free to comment, because I did, and so should you.
(Post note - Baby pandas are winning out 61% to 39%. I'm sure it's the liberals pulling this one off. Baby killers. Only thing is - I read that panda fur is rough and greasy. Ouch and eww.........)
For one thing, in the last couple years I really figured out how much real news is just sort of "left out" in America. I wouldn't call it blatant censorship; just a very mild control over the media by both the conservative government and the big corporations who now own the news outlets and really shouldn't. I mean honestly, they should really just re-name ABC news something like "Mickey Mouse's Daily Doodle." If you look into other world sources of news, you might be surprised what you come up with, but if you look at any of our big news outlets, you basically get four categories of news:
1. Anything about Iraq/Israel and that whole mess, and the things people
say about them that make them get scolded by the other guys
2. Any shock-value crime stories, such as school shootings and crimes commited by the insane (crimes by Mexicans are currently in vogue.)
3. Blatantly retarded Hollywood stories, such as the breakup of Winona Ryder and Colin Powell (I made that up.)
4. Any mixture of the three that puts down a political party, or the political view of some celebrity or another. Except Oprah. Oprah never seems to get in trouble. But Rosie O'Donnell does, because she's fat and she's a lez, and you're just not supposed to like fat ugly women, especially if they like to do other chicks. (For those of you who don't understand my sarcasm, I just want you to know that i have nothing against obesity or ugliness, and I don't really think Rosie O'Donnell is that unattractive anyway. But those lesbians - they're aginst the Bible, by george.)
(Wink. Enter lightning strike HERE.)
Anypoop, I feel like looking at the news tonight - don't know why, and I will share some headlines and comment. Note: my comments do not share nor denote the opinions of the outlets from whence they come. And I never mean to offend - I just offer the viewpoints of me, a college dropout who may be totally delusional. Kind of a Barbra Streisand kind of thing. Except I will allow you to view me from whatever side you like!
The following are all from CNN (because it's bookmarked on my browser and I'm familiar with its setup - otherwise I'd pick any other one besides Fox, which would be fun too, but that's for a totally different day.)
Millions in the Northwest Could Be in the Dark for Days
Now that's excitement. Inconvenient, perhaps - but who doesn't love a dramatic weather/natural disaster story? Especially if you are not involved; but windstorms and tornadoes are very exciting in my mind (not the death part - that's horrible of course) because I've been in two tornadoes and I can't remember a bigger adrenaline rush. And at least the Northwest isn't that cold, so it won't be like those poor souls in St. Louis that I commented on earlier in the month.......(Brian Livingston, are you still there? Eye thing.....)
U.S. to move 3,500 troops into Kuwait
Seriously, who can read anything about this stuff and even care anymore? I'm sorry if you have a relative over there or a friend, because of course you care, as do I. But as far as news goes, the whole war thing has lost any meaning or sense. There's just one bombing after another in Baghdad, one crisis or another in Israel, and one comment or another from some idiot at the Pentagon. Or from their boss, whatever his name is. First of all, can anyone keep track of this whole mess? And am I the only one that is horrified by these daily Shiite/Sunni bombings that are killing masses of people? That shit would never have started if we wouldn't have messed up that country so badly. Sure, it wasn't in a good state before either, but I can't imagine how terrifying it is even to step out in public in Iraq now. Sadaam Hussein couldn't unite these people, so he basically just let them rule their own little corners of the country, and now we go in and unite them in a "democratic" government, which they don't seem to like real well. They didn't like Sadaam either, apparently, but that's beside the point. Now not only are our troops in daily danger, but so is every single person in that country, and it's a scary mess.
Executions halted in Florida, California
Good. I can't think of anything more botched or corrupt than our whole death penalty system. It should be done away with. We have two states, both of which have been or are run by Bushes, that execute hundreds, then a few states that execute someone every once in a while, and then states like Michigan where it's not an option at all. How does that work? And how does dying by being put to sleep like a poor sick animal count as a "punishment" anyway, except as a mental punishment? And how come the rest of the "civilized" world did away with capital punishment, while we still have it along with some dandy countries like Saudi Arabia, Iran, and China? I know it's a touchy subject - it's one that I feel strongly about - but I value anyone's opinion on it.
Scores ill after eating at Indiana Olive Garden
Just another reason to shop/eat locally. Especially here, because we don't have none of those there Olive Gardens. Just lots of Subways.
U.S. may face new dangers when Castro dies
Didn't read this one. But knowing that we are forbidden by our own government to visit there or buy anything from them, while the rest of the world does, makes me wonder - what exactly does "freedom" mean?
First ladies stand by their men on coins
Cool idea, bad headline. First ladies on coins - great - but why not pick some other more deserving Americans, like Helen Keller or Harriet Tubman? Or Paris Hilton? Look at all she's done for us.
Publisher in O.J. book scandal fired
Laughable, and another horrible chapter added to the US history book. They should've just gone ahead and put the book out - people would've bought it. Then maybe Ronald Goldman's family would've been able to get some money off the asshole, since he's been denying them what he owes them for years.
Paris didn't blog about Britney, spokesman says
Didn't read it, for two reasons. 1. I don't care. 2. It's in the top headlines, and shouldn't be.
Superman Returns' falls flat
Who would've guessed? Maybe it's due to the fact that the 2nd and most prominent man to play Superman broke his neck and died later. We tend to associate things, and dislike change - "New Coke" style. Kinda like when Val Kilmer played Batman. Why? Who likes Val Kilmer? Isn't he supposed to be a huge asshole? Why did I just go on a rant about Val Kilmer? And did you know that one of my favorite movies is "Real Genius?" Except that young main kid in the movie was kinda agelessly creepy, and I wonder what he looks like now. I shall IMDB later.
Rumsfeld praised on final day at Pentagon
Well at least he had some charisma. Kind of a charming man in a way, as horrible as he was. Much better than John Ashcroft, who, if you have time to look for it, sung a wonderful song that he wrote himself called "Let the Eagle Soar." Or "Now the Eagle's Sore." Now there's one horrible man.
Rice rejects talks with Iran, Syria on Iraq
Does anyone really believe this woman? A black, female republican who happens to be really smart? Is that racist? I don't mean it to be whatsoever. But by God, you can see it in her smile, can't you? She has no acting abilities whatsoever - whenever she tries to make a point, she gets this shy-like, gapped-tooth grin going. Even so, I do kinda like her, just because she's a smart black female republican, and because that's almost like something that should be in Ripley's Believe It or Not. (Another note to the sarcistically uninclined - I have nothing against black women, and I think they can be just as smart as any other race of human. But I think she should get that gap in her teeth fixed. She probably makes enough money for that, right? Or maybe not, because she's a black female?)
New wariness arises for menopause hormones
You poor, aging women. How they do like to fuck with your heads and scare the shit out of you. Every time I schedule someone a mammogram at work I think to myself, 'ouch.'
Tribe banking on bird's-eye view of Grand Canyon
Great - first the Brady Bunch went there and trampled the sacred grounds, and now the tribes are doing it too. Maybe they could hook some whirlpool mineral tubs up to Old Faithful - why waste all that good hot water?
Iranians hit polls, test president
I really don't know what this means, and I didn't even look at what it was about. All I know is that we were supposed to be skeered of Iran a long time ago, then we weren't, and now we are again. Maybe it's Sally Field's fault for that movie "Not Without My Daughter." Bridgette, please do your rendition........
Georgia rules Potter can stay on school shelves
Oh my fucking God. I don't even want to know what was behind this link. Harry Potter? I saw disgustingly distasteful books at the bookstore a while back about a farting dog, and they're worried about Harry Potter? Are kids not allowed to fantasize anymore? Or are we just supposed to give them realistic reading, like the Bible?
"When the Lord delivers it into your hand, put to the sword all the males .... As for the women, the children, the livestock and everything else in the city, you may take these as plunder for yourselves." (Deuteronomy 20:13-14)
And here's CNN's daily QuickPoll -
| Which do you think is cuter, babies or panda cubs? |
That's important to ponder. What do I think? Well, babies are cute, but I've seen a few ugly ones. I've never seen an ugly panda.
(enter second lightning strike. Ouch.)
Think about it a while before you make your decision. And feel free to comment, because I did, and so should you.
(Post note - Baby pandas are winning out 61% to 39%. I'm sure it's the liberals pulling this one off. Baby killers. Only thing is - I read that panda fur is rough and greasy. Ouch and eww.........)
12 December 2006
Seriously, for one second (1)
Just a few quick questions I have for those of you who might be lestenin' -
1. For those of you who use Mozilla Firefox, I have to ask - did it seem like, when you first got it, it was really cool and fast and so much nicer than Internet Explorer? But now, months or days or years later, does it seem like it has become bogged down and slow and clunky? My computer isn't the best, but it's not very old, and I'm just about ready to give up on the firefox endeavor. If you have downloaded the new IE7, is it, like, way better? Because I did, and frankly, it's changed so much I can't get used to it. I be confoosed.
2. For those of you in the Dickinson County Metropolitan Village Township City - why is Lake Antoine pronounced "Ann-twine?" In French it should sound more like "Ann-twonn." In fact, in French class we had to pick French names to go by for the extent of the class, and my name was Antoine. If anyone would've said "Hey Ann-twine" I would've gotten angry and smacked them! Well not really, because I wasn't that type of kid. But I would've pouted.
3. Does anybody know of any reason why I could NOT have chickens in Hermansville? I only want to get some banties (little chickens) that are female, so no noise problem, and they would be built a very nice, secluded little habitat. I miss having chickies. Someone at work said "no" but I just don't believe it. How could there be such a rule in a town where people burn tires every monday, and you pay your sewer bill to some lady at her house down on third street?
4. This isn't a question; it's a recommendation. If you live in or around Norway, go to the Norway Pharmacy, because they are the best pharmacy anywhere, and they have some cool stuff. Sure, they sell a "yooper mosquito trap," but that doesn't totally disqualify them from the realm of coolness.
Also, check out Pine Ridge Gifts behind Family Dollar. They have some cool shit. And the lady with the long hair is cool, especially when her hair gets all caught in everything she walks past, and it doesn't seem to bother her.
And Family Dollar is cool too. Just don't buy the meat products.
And, don't EVER EVER EVER do your business at the First National Bank of Norway. They are thieves, pure and simple.
By the way, if you're not from the Norway/Iron Mountain area, then just disregard this, and please don't move here based on what I said above, because you will regret it in the long run.
5. I noticed some people have more than the allowed 16 pictures in their 'photos' section on myspace. If this is possible, why can't I do it?
6.I've worked at the Emergency Department for 2 months, and so far none of you have come in so I could register you! I mean, come on - it's only $800 a visit, on average! Pure pocket change. And I can get you free alcohol swabs and vomit bags, and personalize your wristband with any nickname you like.
7. Is it ethical to give money to the Salvation Army? Or are they in the same category as the gay-bashing, moral-preaching churches that are against stem cells and all that? I'm not trying to be an ass - I just really want to know if anyone has an opinion on the Salvation Army. Because when I pass them without giving them money, I feel like a turdburger.
29. What happened to the Smurfs? Did they get stepped on over the years and just go extinct? I thought the smurfs were the coolest when I was a kid. All I hear about now is something called Dora the Explosive Whore, or whatever "she" is. I think someone should rally with me to bring back the smurfs, because not only did they teach racial purity with their uniform skin color, but they also smurfed everything, which was dumb but endearing. Why didn't they just move away from Gargamel? Or poison him with the mushrooms? Or maybe they did, and THAT is why the show is no longer on.
41. Is Ashton Kutcher finally gone from the celeb scene? God, he annoys me, even though I wish I looked like him.
3. Oh, nothing.
God, I need to go to bed.
1. For those of you who use Mozilla Firefox, I have to ask - did it seem like, when you first got it, it was really cool and fast and so much nicer than Internet Explorer? But now, months or days or years later, does it seem like it has become bogged down and slow and clunky? My computer isn't the best, but it's not very old, and I'm just about ready to give up on the firefox endeavor. If you have downloaded the new IE7, is it, like, way better? Because I did, and frankly, it's changed so much I can't get used to it. I be confoosed.
2. For those of you in the Dickinson County Metropolitan Village Township City - why is Lake Antoine pronounced "Ann-twine?" In French it should sound more like "Ann-twonn." In fact, in French class we had to pick French names to go by for the extent of the class, and my name was Antoine. If anyone would've said "Hey Ann-twine" I would've gotten angry and smacked them! Well not really, because I wasn't that type of kid. But I would've pouted.
3. Does anybody know of any reason why I could NOT have chickens in Hermansville? I only want to get some banties (little chickens) that are female, so no noise problem, and they would be built a very nice, secluded little habitat. I miss having chickies. Someone at work said "no" but I just don't believe it. How could there be such a rule in a town where people burn tires every monday, and you pay your sewer bill to some lady at her house down on third street?
4. This isn't a question; it's a recommendation. If you live in or around Norway, go to the Norway Pharmacy, because they are the best pharmacy anywhere, and they have some cool stuff. Sure, they sell a "yooper mosquito trap," but that doesn't totally disqualify them from the realm of coolness.
Also, check out Pine Ridge Gifts behind Family Dollar. They have some cool shit. And the lady with the long hair is cool, especially when her hair gets all caught in everything she walks past, and it doesn't seem to bother her.
And Family Dollar is cool too. Just don't buy the meat products.
And, don't EVER EVER EVER do your business at the First National Bank of Norway. They are thieves, pure and simple.
By the way, if you're not from the Norway/Iron Mountain area, then just disregard this, and please don't move here based on what I said above, because you will regret it in the long run.
5. I noticed some people have more than the allowed 16 pictures in their 'photos' section on myspace. If this is possible, why can't I do it?
6.I've worked at the Emergency Department for 2 months, and so far none of you have come in so I could register you! I mean, come on - it's only $800 a visit, on average! Pure pocket change. And I can get you free alcohol swabs and vomit bags, and personalize your wristband with any nickname you like.
7. Is it ethical to give money to the Salvation Army? Or are they in the same category as the gay-bashing, moral-preaching churches that are against stem cells and all that? I'm not trying to be an ass - I just really want to know if anyone has an opinion on the Salvation Army. Because when I pass them without giving them money, I feel like a turdburger.
29. What happened to the Smurfs? Did they get stepped on over the years and just go extinct? I thought the smurfs were the coolest when I was a kid. All I hear about now is something called Dora the Explosive Whore, or whatever "she" is. I think someone should rally with me to bring back the smurfs, because not only did they teach racial purity with their uniform skin color, but they also smurfed everything, which was dumb but endearing. Why didn't they just move away from Gargamel? Or poison him with the mushrooms? Or maybe they did, and THAT is why the show is no longer on.
41. Is Ashton Kutcher finally gone from the celeb scene? God, he annoys me, even though I wish I looked like him.
3. Oh, nothing.
God, I need to go to bed.
11 December 2006
Bulletinitis, and other made up words
I really think that the "Bulletins" part of myspace is the best part of the whole system. Not only does it provide a random yet constant source of entertainment, but it also is a very good "gauge" for typifying a sender's personality. Not that I sit around and analyze everyone's personality, but - well, yeah, I guess I do. But I only do it because I love weird people. "Normal" people are boring and useful to society only as workers, such as receptionists, managers, and concrete pourers. I'm kidding, but am I? You may never know.
Anypoop, weird people, in my checkered mind, are people who fit into any category other than normal, which is a very large set of categories. Am I making sense? I hope not. They can be the highly intelligent people, the not-so-smart people, the schizoids, obsessive-compulsives, loners, divorced obese women, divorced dwarves - and on and on.
I guess the best definition of a "weird person" would be this:
weerd' per' sun: any person who, after you have communicated with them, makes you do one of the following: roll your eyes, sigh, laugh, cry, vomit, or question your own sanity.
Back to the bulletins. There are a few things I will say before I share one very special bulletin with you:
1. I read about 39% of the bulletins that I see on the main page;
2. I read almost every survey, whether it is someone I know or not. Yes, I know that some people write one every other hour. But I still love reading them. God help me.
3. There are bulletins that just make me shudder and question the intelligence of the average human being.
4. Above being said, if you send a bulletin that has a headline such as "I'm A Crunchy Dill - what kind of pickle are you?" or "The Underpants Game", I won't read it. That's final. I was sucked in one too many times to reading such garbage, and no longer.
5. Some bulletins just defy any explanation.
For your (choose one) amusement, horror, shock, amazement, or whatever, I present the following GEM that was in my bulletin box earlier this week.
Date: Dec 6, 2006 7:48 AM
Subject WHO THE F*CK WROTE THIS
Body: Body: *has serious problems and needs to fucking get shot. fuckers*
WHY DO THIS
GOD IS A FAG.
HIS DICK WAS LITTLE.
HE FUCKED MARTHA.
AND SUCKED JOSEPH OFF.
GOD CAN GO TO HELL.
I HATE GOD.
GOD IS DEAD.
FUCK GOD.
WHY?
MY NAME IS CHEVERE AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ME, THEN REPOST THIS WITHIN 2 MINUTES.
NOW LETS SEE WHO BELIEVES IN GOD.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
IF YOU DISAGREE WITH THIS, REPOST THIS AS
"WHO THE F*CK WROTE THIS"
STAND UP FOR WHAT'S RIGHT, AND IF YOU IGNORE THIS MESSAGE JUST REMEMBER, WHEN THE WORLD ENDS, WHO DO YOU WANNA SPEND THE REST OF YOUR AFTER-LIFE WITH? HAPPY WITH GOD OR BURNING IN HELL?
YOU
JESUS SAID:
"IF YOU DENY IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS, I WILL DENY YOU IN FRONT OF MY FATHER
I know what you're thinking - "Whoa - that's deep."
Whether your Christian or Communist, just read it a few times, analyze it, and then just forget you ever saw it. I will say one thing about it though - it covers so much material in so little words! Although what the meaning is, I don't think anyone will ever know.
Maybe it's a quotation from the show "Lost" or something that I didn' t catch. Or the Gospel of Judas, although I doubt that they used the word "fuck" back then. Update me if you know the answer.
Oh, I forgot about the "other made up words" that I promised in my subject. Try these out -
Ferjastinate.
Copantlessness.
Amniocensexiness
I just made them up.
Ok, now I'm going to do a survey. I always enjoy the ones that my friend Michael, the somewhat-relative-of-my-horrible-ex-boyfriend, fills out. I don't have the innate ability to find good surveys elsewhere, so I usually steal someone else's, and his are always good.
1. Height?
-5'11"
2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
- No
3. Do you own a gun?
- No, I don't pack heat.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments
I get nervous when they pull out the blood pressure cuff. I hate
having my blood pressure taken. Don't ask me why - it's just
a phobia of odd origins.
6. What do you think of hot dogs?
Funny story. I hate them. And as a kid, I was forced to eat one a couple times, and I gagged. I don't understand the whole hot dog thing.
7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
Sleigh Ride, by Leroy Anderson (without the lyrics)
8.What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Strong black coffee, or just my usual diet Coke.
9. Can you do push ups?
Yes. And pullups, but I haven't in a while, and I have a desire lately
to start working out again. Weird.
10. Is your bathroom clean?
It is being cleaned after I have finished this. It isn't filthy - just cluttered.
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
My watch. That's all I own for now.
12. Do you like painkillers?
No, they make me nauseous. I stick to Aleve.
13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
A "leg-snare trap for women" baited with Partylite candles. Seriously,
I don't have one.
14. Do you have ADD?
Yes I do. Severely. And I am on Ritalin for it, which is the wonder-drug
for anyone who doesn't like to clean.
16. Middle Name?
Douglas (don't even ask.)
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment,
- Tomorrow I shall have some money.
-I love my new slippers
- I hope that candle doesn't drip on the monitor.
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought?
Pop
Dinner last night at work
Gas
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
Diet Coke
Coffee
Iced Tea
22. Current worry?
- How am I going to afford all these bills?
23. Current hate?
-winter
24. Favorite place to be?
- the beach
26. Where would you like to go?
- now? Tahiti
27. Do you own slippers?
- Hah! Read above. That's too funny.
28. What shirt are you wearing?
a grey "ringer tee" under a plaid cotton button-up
29. Do you burn or tan?
Both. I try not to burn though.
30. Favorite color(s)?
Green, blue, shades of grey
31. Would you be a pirate?
No, because I'd be too shy.
33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I don't. I talk to the pets, because they all like to come and watch, nasty little perverts.
34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Skeletons and clowns.
35. What's in your pockets right now?
-My keys and an empty envelope.
36. Last thing that made you laugh?
This -
....
(hint - you have to click on the above link to read it.)
37. Best bed sheets as a child?
I had no special bed sheets.
38. Worst injury you've ever had?
fractured ribs from a car wreck in front of the Border Grill in Marquette.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
1, and one on the porch. With a broken toilet on top. Redneck-style-fuck yeah!
41. Who is your loudest friend?
Mark. But he's mad at me now......
42. Who is your most silent friend?
Carrie, because she never calls or writes :(
43. Does someone have a crush on you?
God I hope so.
44. Do you wish on shooting stars?
Always.
45. What is your favorite book?
The World Almanac. I used to read it as a kid. Really.
46. What is your favorite candy?
Divinity, or fudge.
47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
"Fancy" by Reba McEntyre. That would be AWESOME.
48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
I just want a "Sweatin' to the Oldies" tape playing in the
background. With a picture of Richard Simmons taped to the front of
my coffin. I think it would really make people think.
49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Recovering from work.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?
"I wonder how long that thing's been going off? Oh shit....."
Have a good whatever, kids!
WHY?
MY NAME IS CHEVERE AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
Anypoop, weird people, in my checkered mind, are people who fit into any category other than normal, which is a very large set of categories. Am I making sense? I hope not. They can be the highly intelligent people, the not-so-smart people, the schizoids, obsessive-compulsives, loners, divorced obese women, divorced dwarves - and on and on.
I guess the best definition of a "weird person" would be this:
weerd' per' sun: any person who, after you have communicated with them, makes you do one of the following: roll your eyes, sigh, laugh, cry, vomit, or question your own sanity.
Back to the bulletins. There are a few things I will say before I share one very special bulletin with you:
1. I read about 39% of the bulletins that I see on the main page;
2. I read almost every survey, whether it is someone I know or not. Yes, I know that some people write one every other hour. But I still love reading them. God help me.
3. There are bulletins that just make me shudder and question the intelligence of the average human being.
4. Above being said, if you send a bulletin that has a headline such as "I'm A Crunchy Dill - what kind of pickle are you?" or "The Underpants Game", I won't read it. That's final. I was sucked in one too many times to reading such garbage, and no longer.
5. Some bulletins just defy any explanation.
For your (choose one) amusement, horror, shock, amazement, or whatever, I present the following GEM that was in my bulletin box earlier this week.
Date: Dec 6, 2006 7:48 AM
Subject WHO THE F*CK WROTE THIS
Body: Body: *has serious problems and needs to fucking get shot. fuckers*
WHY DO THIS
GOD IS A FAG.
HIS DICK WAS LITTLE.
HE FUCKED MARTHA.
AND SUCKED JOSEPH OFF.
GOD CAN GO TO HELL.
I HATE GOD.
GOD IS DEAD.
FUCK GOD.
WHY?
MY NAME IS CHEVERE AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ME, THEN REPOST THIS WITHIN 2 MINUTES.
NOW LETS SEE WHO BELIEVES IN GOD.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
IF YOU DISAGREE WITH THIS, REPOST THIS AS
"WHO THE F*CK WROTE THIS"
STAND UP FOR WHAT'S RIGHT, AND IF YOU IGNORE THIS MESSAGE JUST REMEMBER, WHEN THE WORLD ENDS, WHO DO YOU WANNA SPEND THE REST OF YOUR AFTER-LIFE WITH? HAPPY WITH GOD OR BURNING IN HELL?
YOU
JESUS SAID:
"IF YOU DENY IN FRONT OF YOUR FRIENDS, I WILL DENY YOU IN FRONT OF MY FATHER
I know what you're thinking - "Whoa - that's deep."
Whether your Christian or Communist, just read it a few times, analyze it, and then just forget you ever saw it. I will say one thing about it though - it covers so much material in so little words! Although what the meaning is, I don't think anyone will ever know.
Maybe it's a quotation from the show "Lost" or something that I didn' t catch. Or the Gospel of Judas, although I doubt that they used the word "fuck" back then. Update me if you know the answer.
Oh, I forgot about the "other made up words" that I promised in my subject. Try these out -
Ferjastinate.
Copantlessness.
Amniocensexiness
I just made them up.
Ok, now I'm going to do a survey. I always enjoy the ones that my friend Michael, the somewhat-relative-of-my-horrible-ex-boyfriend, fills out. I don't have the innate ability to find good surveys elsewhere, so I usually steal someone else's, and his are always good.
1. Height?
-5'11"
2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
- No
3. Do you own a gun?
- No, I don't pack heat.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments
I get nervous when they pull out the blood pressure cuff. I hate
having my blood pressure taken. Don't ask me why - it's just
a phobia of odd origins.
6. What do you think of hot dogs?
Funny story. I hate them. And as a kid, I was forced to eat one a couple times, and I gagged. I don't understand the whole hot dog thing.
7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
Sleigh Ride, by Leroy Anderson (without the lyrics)
8.What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Strong black coffee, or just my usual diet Coke.
9. Can you do push ups?
Yes. And pullups, but I haven't in a while, and I have a desire lately
to start working out again. Weird.
10. Is your bathroom clean?
It is being cleaned after I have finished this. It isn't filthy - just cluttered.
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
My watch. That's all I own for now.
12. Do you like painkillers?
No, they make me nauseous. I stick to Aleve.
13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
A "leg-snare trap for women" baited with Partylite candles. Seriously,
I don't have one.
14. Do you have ADD?
Yes I do. Severely. And I am on Ritalin for it, which is the wonder-drug
for anyone who doesn't like to clean.
16. Middle Name?
Douglas (don't even ask.)
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment,
- Tomorrow I shall have some money.
-I love my new slippers
- I hope that candle doesn't drip on the monitor.
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought?
Pop
Dinner last night at work
Gas
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
Diet Coke
Coffee
Iced Tea
22. Current worry?
- How am I going to afford all these bills?
23. Current hate?
-winter
24. Favorite place to be?
- the beach
26. Where would you like to go?
- now? Tahiti
27. Do you own slippers?
- Hah! Read above. That's too funny.
28. What shirt are you wearing?
a grey "ringer tee" under a plaid cotton button-up
29. Do you burn or tan?
Both. I try not to burn though.
30. Favorite color(s)?
Green, blue, shades of grey
31. Would you be a pirate?
No, because I'd be too shy.
33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I don't. I talk to the pets, because they all like to come and watch, nasty little perverts.
34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Skeletons and clowns.
35. What's in your pockets right now?
-My keys and an empty envelope.
36. Last thing that made you laugh?
This -
....
(hint - you have to click on the above link to read it.)
37. Best bed sheets as a child?
I had no special bed sheets.
38. Worst injury you've ever had?
fractured ribs from a car wreck in front of the Border Grill in Marquette.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
1, and one on the porch. With a broken toilet on top. Redneck-style-fuck yeah!
41. Who is your loudest friend?
Mark. But he's mad at me now......
42. Who is your most silent friend?
Carrie, because she never calls or writes :(
43. Does someone have a crush on you?
God I hope so.
44. Do you wish on shooting stars?
Always.
45. What is your favorite book?
The World Almanac. I used to read it as a kid. Really.
46. What is your favorite candy?
Divinity, or fudge.
47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
"Fancy" by Reba McEntyre. That would be AWESOME.
48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
I just want a "Sweatin' to the Oldies" tape playing in the
background. With a picture of Richard Simmons taped to the front of
my coffin. I think it would really make people think.
49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Recovering from work.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning?
"I wonder how long that thing's been going off? Oh shit....."
Have a good whatever, kids!
WHY?
MY NAME IS CHEVERE AND I DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
03 December 2006
A Dysfunctional Pre-Christmas Blog
But first, I want to share the following from CNN.
"As temperatures rose into the 20s, Tawana Jean Cooper and her family spent Sunday at a Red Cross warming center in St. Louis, which they were able to reach on Saturday from her suburban home after roads were cleared of ice, downed power lines and broken tree limbs left by Thursday's storm.
Joining her at the shelter were three young grandchildren.
"They know this is not home. They know this is a disaster," Cooper said as she cradled her sleeping 5-month-old granddaughter in her arms.
"The American Red Cross has been a God's blessing," she said. About 70 others also spent the night at the shelter.
Missouri National Guardsmen had been sent into the area to knock on doors and make sure people were safe. By early afternoon Sunday, the St. Louis temperature had reached only about 22 degrees, the National Weather Service said.
Two men, ages 37 and 35, died after they tried to burn coal in a cooking wok to stay warm. Fire officials found deadly levels of carbon monoxide in their home. A 56-year-old man may have suffered hypothermia, and an 81-year-old man was found dead at the bottom of his home's stairs."
Living in an area with extremes that are way in excess of what they would experience in St. Louis, I might be biased in my thinking. But are these people insane? Maybe I don't know the whole story, or maybe I'm just a big mean moron. But haven't these people heard of blankets? Candles? Doritos? Winter coats? Or is the media just crying for more New Orleans-type disasters, while they sit in wait for the Democrats to take over Congress? OK, St. Louis probably is somewhat disaster-like. But Tawana, don't you have any neighbors with a gas stove, or some candles? Don't you stock snack foods in your home? It was 35 degrees yesterday in St. Louis, because I just checked. Certainly not disaster-type weather to me.
Or maybe instead of being a high-falluting bitch-head, I should fear for myself. For what if the unthinkable happened to us here? What if our power went out for two days? I'm not talking now - it's in the 20s and 30s at present - we'd be fine. But what about mid-January, when the temperature sometimes gets as high as 10 degrees? Would we get the same press coverage? Would we start burning coal in our Walmart woks? Where the hell do you get coal, anyway?
Anyway, enough of that.
Here's some pre-Christmas updates from my charming, crooked home -
I actually have done a bit of decorating in my house now, because I have furniture now! It came in the form of a sectional sofa from a lovely lesbian couple. It's an awesome megalith of a couch, and the cats and Eddie think it's a toy. So now I am all decked out. My upstairs is still nailed shut, to conserve on heating (although maybe I'll take a wok up there later) but my downstairs is now complete. Still crooked too, but I finally hung up my fancy key-wind clock tonight, which just struck the half-hour in all its glory. I had to hang it somewhat cleverly to compensate for the crookedness of the wall, but it works. I also hung a few pictures.
And, being the huge Christian that I am, I decorated for Christmas. My little fiber-optic tree is sitting on the end table, and the cats have already pawed at it. Besides the tree, I also have two wall ornaments, a tiny Santa figurine on the microwave, and a cookie tin! Festive, hey?
To counteract the sun-like glow of my neighbors' Christmas displays, I thought I might go very low-key and put a wreath on the front door, and one of those little candle-lamps in each window. But I ran into a problem. First, I can't find the damn candle lamps in any stores - they have battery-operated ones, but who the hell wants to put up with that? Second, I looked at wreaths today, and, not surprisingly, a woven circle of pine branches costs around 30 bucks. I was not prepared to swill out that kind of change. So far, my house remains a blank, heathen anti-Christ display of agnostic minimalism.
If you have cable internet, and you are still using a regular phone, you should really check into one of the internet phone services. I got mine this week - there were no connection fees, nothing to buy, my bill is a flat 22 bucks a month and I can call anywhere I want. Plus I have a local Hermansville number and real 911 service. If you want my phone number, just ask. I might even answer, since the telemarketers haven't gotten wind of my new number.
I decided yesterday that I was wrong all along, and there really are people out there that I just don't like. Period. Nothing else to say on that one.
I have become comfortable with my job, and although it's not the kind of job that makes me break out in glee and make snow-angels, it's fine. And I get paid well.
I realized that I was fooling myself when I thought that my family wasn't really as crazy as I made it out to be. My family is full-blown nuts. Maybe every family has a little bit of weirdness, eccentricism, or hostility within its confines. Mine has a bit of each, plus a pinch extra.
Back to work again. I have now been exposed to the flu, hepatitis, vaginal yeast infections, scabies, cellulitis, pinkeye, extreme exczema, death, and pneumonia, and I haven't caught any of them. Yet. Knock on my desk. But I did get my final hepatitis vaccination and the MMR vaccine, and ended up with soreness, swollen glands, and the chills for a week.
I am realizing again that living 20 miles from a major supermarket chain, 10 miles from a gas station, and 23 miles from my bank really sucks.
I now know that when you get out of a relationship that lasted 3 years, your ex doesn't necessarily handle things well, and instead of just leting it go, goes around and says cruel and untrue things. All to cover up the fact that the relationship ended because this former partner can't deal with his latent homosexuality and his perverted need for back-alley sex, and so he had to use made-up excuses to tell people when they asked why I "just disappeared" from his life. Do I sound bitter? I'm not, but now that I have a very public job, I run into these people every fricking day.
To add some much-needed humidity to your heated home, and a lovely sense of holiday spirit, take a kettle, fill it with water, and add some cinnamon sticks, cloves, ginger, and flavored tea bags. Let it simmer gently on your stove, never forgetting that it's there of course. It adds a lovely, festive scent and makes your cats happier when you pet them, because you don't shock the daylights out of them with static. If you do forget about it, then you get a kettle full of burnt-up tea bags that smells horrid.
One more thing I have discovered - I can actually go more than 2 or 3 hours without a cigarette and not go stark-raving mad. And hospitals suck, because they make you go smoke in your car. Or maybe they don't suck, because like I said, I can actually go more than 2 or 3 hours without a cigarette and not go stark-raving mad.
Enough. I want to go watch my Christmas tree turn all sorts of dazzling fiber-optic-enhanced colors.
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