09 September 2006

Le peulonc

Definition of "peulonc" - I don't know. I made it up. But I like saying it in a French accent. I've been saying that word for 2 years now whenever I pretend to speak better French than I really know.

I had a dream today that I actually remember. I was standing in line at a Citgo, and a lady I used to work with (who was quite eccentric, but keep reading) came in with a ziplock bag full of mayonnaise, and asked if she could trade it for a lottery ticket. The clerk said no, and was snotty! Ok, that was a dumb dream, but the lady in question is the type of lady that would do exactly what happened in that dream. Except it probably wouldn't be a ziplock full of mayonnaise. But, this is typical of the sort of dream I have.

Wow, now I remember another dream! This one I had this morning, way before the first. I was walking through a wooded area, and fell in quicksand. I just plunged right into the depths of it. And when I have THOSE dreams, I wake myself up by telling myself over and over "it's just a dream, it's just a dream" and then, thankfully, I wake up. I hope that's not what happens when you really die! I mean, I hope you don't keep telling yourself "it's just a dream" and then find out it isn't. I hope it's just over, or you wake up as a newborn in Florida or Sumatra or somewhere.

Those of you who know me well know that I can be suckered into just about anything, unless it involves bees or spiders. Well, I got suckered in again a couple weeks ago - a co-worker asked me to take a cat. Like I needed another cat - I had four (plus the one running around Escanaba right now makes 5) and was quite happy that way. But anyway, this was a "very special" situation. See, this coworker worked in a home-health business, and one of her clients was a kid with cerebral palsy who was leaving to go to NMU, and he was going to be living in campus housing (I assume the type with ramps), and he couldn't have the cat there, and wouldn't I just be a dear sweet guy and take the cat until December? I almost said no, but of course I was given the sob story that this kid would be heart-broken if he had to give his cat to the humane society or something. (Don't ask me why the lady asking me didn't take the cat herself. God, some people.)


Anyway, that was at the point when I was getting ready to move into my new house, and while saying "no" in my head, I said "sure, when do you want do drop her off?" Anyway, I'm going to make this short. I have lost that cat twice now! The first day she was in the house, she found a way to get behind the bathtub. I couldn't find her for two days. But I did find her, and fished her out from behind the bathtub using a toilet snake.

The second time - last week - she decided to PUSH OPEN the crawlspace trapdoor (it's heavy, and don't ask me how she did it) and was gone. There's a hole from the crawlspace to outside. And the cat didn't know me or even LIKE me, so I figured oh well, I tried, but she's probably miles away by now. So for a couple days, I just figured she was gone, while at the same time wondering, shit, what am I going to tell my coworker?

Then one day I was leaving for work, and I thought about the cat, and I wondered if maybe she was still in the crawlspace somewhere, just hiding. And she was - I peered in that hole, and there she was - about 6 feet out of reach. So for another two days, I tried to coax her out with cat food. No luck. She would eat the cat food, but not when I was looking! So then I brainstormed and found out that Home Depot sells live animal traps, and I bought one, put food in it, and put it in the crawlspace. Four hours later, I went to check, and there she was, locked up and meowing at me. Now she seems to like me, and she even gets along with the other cats a bit.

That was my "long story short."

Tomorrow I start a new job. I was very excited about it a week ago. Now I'm not so sure if I want to work two jobs again. I have worked two jobs for most of the last five years. It's kind of nice now to come home and go to bed without setting the alarm (although I usually do anyway, or else I would sleep for 3 days.) And wrangling two jobs can be a pain in the ass, especially since the new job requires a lot of training, and some of the training I have to travel for. Although I do get paid mileage and expenses! But, I just don't know. There is another reason I am having a dilemma with this, but I am not going into that.

I almost exploded last night at co-worker who watches Fox News all night. I finally got cocky and turned the channel at 2am, after hearing all night about how it was Bill Clinton's fault that 9/11 happened. And they are STILL talking about Jonbenet Ramsey on there.

Well I'm done writing. I have to clean, or paint, or do something productive now. Or not.

Doug

Doorknob

A word of advice - don't ever buy a house if you work midnight shifts. I get home at 6:30 a.m., and then of course, I'm wide awake. But at 6:30am, being wide awake doesn't mean that I want to work on the house - it means watching a little tv, or going online, or maybe throwing some laundry in, but that's about it.

Then I decide to go to sleep, maybe around 8, and sleep until maybe 12 or 1pm. So actually 1pm is my "morning" and I wake up groggy and irritable (as I always have) and the last thing I want to do is go out and pound nails or rip up carpeting. So I usually dawdle.

And if there's an errand thrown into that day, it totally throws things off! If I have to be somewhere at, say, 11am, then I usually don't sleep beforehand. So then I'm just wired on caffeine or these awesome "Charge!" pills that I get at Walmart. :) When I get home after that, then there just seems no sense in going to bed, but I know I have to at some point, because usually I have to go back to work at 10pm that evening.

Last night I worked with Carol, and I love her, but she can drive me insane at times. And last night she was sick - I mean cold/hacking/stuffy sick, and to the extreme! Her coughing was enough to drive me up the drywall. And since she was sputtering and coughing all over everything, I was paranoid, so every time I touched something that I KNEW she had previously touched, I washed my hands, and then washed my face. (They say that you most likely transmit a cold to yourself by touching the virus and then touching your face. And I am a squirmy type, so I touch my face a lot.) It makes a lot more sense to me now - people who are sick should just STAY HOME! Especially in the work environment that I am in - we have 6 retarded people (and if you get offended by the word 'retarded', too bad - it's right there in their case files) and it's not fun when they get sick -for us or for them. Anyway, Carol must have 84 weeks of sick time built up - she's worked there for 14 years. I work again with her tonight, and I think I'm just going to wear a garbage bag over my body.

I'm not usually that paranoid of sick people. But I HATE getting a cold. Some people are lucky - they get a sniffle which lasts a couple days, and then they're fine. When I get a cold, I literally have a non-stop spigot of snot somewhere in my head, and I get crabby and sore and SICK. And it lasts a week. And yes, I smoke a lot, and when I didn't smoke for a year, I never got a cold. We won't go any farther with that.

So back to the beginning - I really haven't got much done with my house in the last couple days. And I notice that the floors are really cold, which means more insulation needed under the house. But I do have new doorknobs.

I have beautiful old interior doors - four panel, with keyholes and the kind of lock mechanism that is attached to the door instead of built in - they are VERY old. But none of them had doorknobs! The bathroom door is the only one I have kept closed, because there is still some openings in the wall where the cats could get through, so every time I exit or enter the bathroom, I close the door. To open it, I have used a screwdriver, but about 28 percent of the time, I lock the screwdriver on the other side of the door from where I am, so I have to hunt until I find something else to improvise with.

So one day at Home Depot, I went through the doorknob department, and I thought to myself - hmm.....maybe they sell replacement knobs for those old doors (the knob mechanism is much different on an old door than a new one.) Anyway, I looked and looked and I didn't see anything remotely resembling what I needed. Bummer.

A couple days later, I was again in Home Depot, buying screws or something, and as I was leaving I inadvertantly walked through that doorknob section again. And what caught my eye? Crystal doorknobs! They were on the right side, not the left where I had been looking before. They had old-fashioned crystal doorknobs, and old-fashioned faux-porcelain knobs, and brass knobs. And they were cheap - from 5 to 7 bucks a piece. So I bought a crystal one for the bathroom, and a "porcelain" one for the front door. And they are awesome! I dreaded the thought of putting modern "technological" knobs on those doors, and now I don't have to. Very cool.

Well, off to babysit my nephew for an hour, and then work again tonight. Ho hum.

ps. - If you like conspiracy theories and are just a little open-minded, google "Loose Change", which is a documentary some young guys made about the 9/11 attacks and the inconsistencies within the Commision report, etc. You can watch the movie online. Maybe a little over-the-top for some people, but like I said, watch it with an open mind. There's a lot of unanswered questions about that day, and for some reason, they never get coverage anymore.....

Dougles

08 September 2006

OK, I finally have a point that I think deserves a rant.....

Remember when the internet and email were still "new", maybe 8 years ago (for me at least), and you got your first spam email and thought it was sort of cool? It was probably something along the lines of "Forward this crap to 10 unwilling people and you will be tapped on the shoulder by the Taco Bell Princess in 10 minutes. SERIOUSLY!" And so you hurriedly thought of ten people to send it to? Yes, I did it too

In my regular email account on Yahoo, I very RARELY get these kind of spam messages anymore. But here on MYSPACE, suddenly there are a few souls in my friends folder who get one of these "send it or doom" messages, and feel compelled to send them out to keep themselves safe from eternal misery, loss of companionship, etc.

So what I am here to ask is this - will you PLEASE just stop it? I admit that I am a very very superstitious person, which stems from my inborn craziness and too much caffeine and lack of sleep. So when I DO get an email saying that if I don't send it out in 10 minutes, I am going to be struck by a lead hammer and die, it does affect me! For about 30 seconds.

And then I remind myself that someone really bored and full of hatred for casual emailing originally wrote the message, and that it's a bunch of bullshit, and one of my friends is superstitious like me, and I just delete it. Or forget about it.

And so far, nothing has happened. My life hasn't gotten any better, but I haven't lost any appendages or suddenly broke out in a rash/crying fit combo, etc. So I beg all of you - RESIST THE URGE! THROW THESE MESSAGES AWAY!!!!! THANK YOU!!!!!

(and for my own safety, knock on wood........;)


Doug

01 September 2006

Buying A House With A Credit Card

Well, I am now living in my new house, which has been an adventure. If any of you ever decide to buy a cheap house, you should keep in mind one thing - there is a reason it is cheap! Here are some of the delightful things I have dealt with so far....

First project - fixing the plumbing. I installed a new pump on the well, which took 2 days because there were two pipes coming up out of the crawlspace (which is about 1 1/2 feet in height - lovely for crawling). Since it is a "shallow well", there should only be one pipe, but there are two, which means that it isn't so shallow, or that there are two wells. There is no evidence of a well outside - just two pipes coming in from the crawlspace. Anyway, I finally got it working, at about 200 bucks, which was much cheaper than a plumber.

After that, there were other things to deal with. The kitchen faucet leaked, so i replaced that. Of course, I was missing ONE freaking gasket, so it leaked for 2 days until I finally bought one today. So now I can leave the pump running without slowly flooding the kitchen. Then there was the incident when I decided to move *by myself my washer into its spot in the bathroom, and in doing so, I hit a loose wall, which broke a pipe. So I had water gushing forth in my bathroom. I turned off the pump, fixed the pipe, and got the washer moved. So I went to do my first load, and there was water gushing from the washer! Apparently in moving it, I cracked the drain hose, so I temporarily fixed it with electrical tape and will be buying a new one tonight. Lovely.

Probably the most interesting thing about this house, which I knew when I bought it, is that it is CROOKED. It leans to one corner, and there are a couple spots where the pilings underneath are pushing up on the floor, so there are some hills and valleys in my floor. If you ever have to deal with a foundation expert, remember one thing - they are hard to get a hold of, and once you have reached them, then they don't like to show up. I finally have a guy coming tomorrow, so it will be interesting to hear what he says. I mean, I can live with a crooked house, but I would rather have nice straight floors, because it makes me feel a bit drunk at times to walk across the bathroom.

I want to install a pellet stove in here - they are much more efficient and cheaper than a gas furnace (especially an old Montgomery Ward's model). But, my mom (who now lives close) convinced me to use the gas furnace this year, and the gas water heater, so as of today, I have heat and hot water. I have been either taking showers at my mom's or at work, so it will be nice to finally be able to keep myself clean on a daily basis, the way I like to. But, first I have to deal with the bathtub. It is gross. There were so many layers of caulk on it, that it just peeled off like leather, and what was underneath was shocking. I plan to renovate the bathroom next summer, so I'm trying to deal with what I have for now. But somebody brilliantly installed the bathtub with a subwall of particle board behind it. If you know what particle board is, then you know that it isn't very waterproof. So, when I pulled off the caulking, there was this lovely black, soil-like material that kept coming out from behind where the caulk was. It is basically decomposed particle board, and although it doesn't smell, it is scary looking. So tonight, before work, I am heading to Home Depot to get the most heavy-duty caulk and gasket material I can find, so that I can actually take a shower or bath, and although I still will know that the horrible black stuff is behind the wall, at least I will not have it getting on my body.

Other than that - I had to fix the siding on the front of the house, which I think turned out pretty impressive. I had to replicate 100-year-old wood siding, which isn't an exact match, but I think it will look good when it is painted. Just a quick fix until I can afford to re-side the house. I also put in a toilet, and removed decades worth of carpeting. Whoever had put that carpeting in (back in 1978) decided to line the floor underneath with newspapers. So I have a huge stack of newspapers from 1978, which are quite interesting. A lot of National Enquirers in there too. Lots of exposees on Elvis's death, Patty Hearst, etc. Fun reading, but it will have to wait. The floors underneath are all maple, and will be beautiful when they are finished. God knows why they were ever covered, but I remember well that in the 70s, shag carpet was much cooler than cold wood floors.

I have met three neighbors, and they have all been very cool. Especially Pat, the 63-year old who looks like Uncle Jessie. He likes to come over and chat for an hour at a time, and apparently I must be pretty funny, because it is easy to make him laugh, and he has a very boisterous laugh. His house is an exact copy of mine, except he has a basement, and they have been renovated slightly differently over the years. In fact, if you drive down the streets immediately around this area, you can see many houses that are cookie-cutter copies of this house. Sometimes you have to really look at them to tell though, because over the years people have added additions on, changed windows, etc. But they all have the same "Little House on the Prairie" roofline.

Anyway, at least now I have water, heat, and hopefully tomorrow, a decent place to take a shower. Although a shower will probably be the last thing on my mind when I find out how much it will cost to level the house.

Groan. But I'm having a blast with it.

07 August 2006

God, I am so SICK of Fox News! I work with a lady who has to have Fox News on 24/7 and so it is in the background whilst I work. Just repulsive.

Bill O'Reilly is my co-worker's favorite, and I believe she has a genuine crush on him. She's about 63 years old, and so he's in her age group, and you have to admit, he's not too bad looking. And I don't always disagree with him. But he is so FUCKING pompous! And he loves to throw around the gay marriage issue like it's candy at a parade. Actually, he believes in civil unions for ALL people, regardless of sexuality, and I support that also. But he loves to have the guests that condemn the lifestyle, defend the family, etc....GRRR

And WAR. And TERROR ALERTS. That's all Fox News cares about, because that's what the specific demographic of Fox watchers want to hear about. Sometimes they jump on a "terror alert" story before it's even happened.......

"This just in.......police in Georgia have arrested a six-year old girl who waved a Snicker's Candy bar at police, who believed it to be a gun. The girl is believed to have middle eastern ties........"

I bought a house! I'm sure everyone who would read my blog has already found that out. It's in Hermansville, and it's in a nice neighborhood, and it has a beautiful large lot with majestic old trees and lilac bushes, and it cost $8500.00, no kidding. So you are probably thinking - wow, the house itself must be really really bad!

Well it needs some foundation work - the floors on the main floor tend to roll like a farm valley. But the floors are SOLID, and because the house is in Hermansville, all the flooring is beautiful solid maple (IXL factory was there, largest manufacturer of wood flooring at one point, etc. etc.).. But I have always wanted a house with CHARACTER, and this house definitely has it.

I don't think I would ever be happy buying some modular home, or new cookie-cutter house, because they are so plain and new and sterile and uber-nazi. My new house is probably 120 years old, and has some original aspects, as well as many senseless 1970 renovations. But underneath all the problems, there is HISTORY, and you can't beat that. There were men living in that house at one time wearing cravat ties and women in long skirts and corsets, cooking over a wood stove and washing clothes in buckets. And when I'm in the house, I like to gaze and let my mind wander back to those long-gone folks who dwelled in MY house, and it is haunting, and comforting, and, for a lack of a better word at this point, COOL.

Anyway, here's some pictures, in case you haven't seen them yet....

Picturetrail pictures